It takes a special kind of family to want to play board games together. These people are probably either diehard gamers or junkies for that feeling of cruel supremacy you get when you bankrupt your five-year-old niece and drink her pathetic little tears on your way to a crushing victory in a carefully calculated game of Monopoly. You only really enjoy games if you have no emotion, because they only lead to overwhelming depression at the state of the world, that his is what you've come to, participating in a sordid simulacrum of fascism and murder with your family instead of admitting your mutual disinterest and spending time in different rooms on your iPads.
If you’re a normal human, you actively avoid family game time. Board games, card games, and especially games that ask you to use your entire body are all a nightmare and you know it. There are some things only people who hate playing family board games will understand, and if you’re staring at your computer right now trying to ignore your siblings who are begging you to play whatever their favorite game is, keep reading and take comfort in these signs you can't play board games with your family.
There are plenty of reasons as to why you might hate diving head first into family game time. Maybe you’ve got an uncle who flips out every time he loses and he loses a lot and is fresh out of Rikers on a manslaughter bid he pleaded down from murder. Or maybe you just don’t want to stay up all night playing some horse sh*t game. Maybe you’re the kind of person who doesn’t want to socialize for hours on end, or you’re just not into games, or you absolutely can’t stand and ardently hate and want to kill everything the moment someone breaks out f*cking Settlers of Catan. If that’s you, you’re not alone.