12 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Actually The Devil In Disguise

Signs of the Devil are all around us - not in an end-times-are-near kind of way, just in a that-guy-is-literally-Satan kind of way. What you really need to know how to spot Satan in your everyday life, before you end up dating him. It may sound crazy, but people are really weird. Chances are you know someone who has had a poltergeist or ghost problem. Or maybe your good friend secretly poisoned her lover, or killed 13 people. You're probably only one degree away from someone who has lived a past life. So, accidentally finding yourself dating Satan wouldn't be that crazy, right?

So, what are the signs that someone you know might just be Satan in disguise? Sure, there are the obvious traits of the Devil - like cloven feet, horns, and a tail - but what about his more subtle characteristics? Things like the way he talks, the clothes he wears, and the music he listens to. Use the list below to make sure you know how to spot Satan before you date him!

Photo: Metaweb / CC-BY

  • He's Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Looking
    Photo: Paramount Pictures

    He's Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Looking

    They don't call him a handsome Devil for nothing - examples of the Devil being a handsome heartthrob have been part of popular media for decades, all the way back to Freaks in the 1930s, or Hairspray in the 1980s.

    So, if your boyfriend is noticeably handsome, or if he wears a Prada suit particularly well, he might actually be the Devil in disguise.

  • He Occasionally Smells Like Sulfur

    Look, everybody farts - it's not a big deal. But if you happen to notice that your boyfriend occasionally smells like he just rolled around in rotten eggs, then you might have found yourself a Devil in disguise.

    The Bible makes several mentions of "fire and brimstone," which is used as a symbol of the wrath of the gods - but brimstone is actually just the archaic name for sulfur, which is commonly found at volcanic sites and smells like really rotten eggs.

  • He's An Excellent Liar
    Photo: Bethesda

    He's An Excellent Liar

    According to the ever-insightful 1995 film, The Usual Suspects, "the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn't exist." The Devil is a notoriously good liar, and so is your boyfriend - you just may not have caught him yet.

    Entire books have been written about how the Devil has turned us all into liars; so if you've ever caught your boyfriend in a big lie before, he's probably the Devil.

  • He's Very Manipulative
    Photo: Wildmud

    He's Very Manipulative

    The Devil is tempting, convincing, and highly manipulative. He convinced Eve to eat fruit from the forbidden tree and he's depicted as a serpent in the Bible - the most devious and cunning of creatures.

    If your boyfriend has a silver tongue, and always seems to be able to talk you into things you're not sure about, you might be dealing with the Devil.

  • His Eyes Are Always Mysteriously Red In Pictures

    Wikipedia claims that the "red-eye effect" (when someone's eyes show up bright red in a photograph) comes from a flash of light reflecting off of the subject's pupils - but that's a bunch of bullsh*t.

    Your boyfriend is the Devil, and that's why his eyes are always red in photos. Bonus points if he never takes a bad photo.

  • He Has A Strange Birthmark

    Does your boyfriend have a strange birthmark? It could be the Mark of the Beast! As Zechariah Smyth so delicately pointed out: "port-wine-stained children [are] vessels of Satan."

    Oh, and does your boyfriend happen to like any of these movies? If so, he's probably the Devil, because all of them glorify demonic birthmarks. Be gone, Satan!