Graveyard Shift Classic Signs You're Carrying Satan's Baby, And How To Plan Appropriately  

Jacob Shelton
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It’s cliché to say that no one knows what to expect when they’re expecting, but that applies even more if you’re a woman impregnated by the devil. But how do you know if you’re carrying a demonic spawn? Similar to knowing whether or not you’ve been marked by the devil, there are some absolute signs that you’re carrying the antichrist. 

Perhaps you were involved in a satanic pregnancy ritual or maybe you’ve been drinking more blood that usual. Whatever the case, there are numerous signs Satan is near and all you need to do to learn which of them are real and which are coincidence. Pledge your eternal allegiance to Ranker and keep reading. Satan is a tricksy lad, as signs of his temptation and meddling are never obvious, and the ones that are will likely have you sent to an insane asylum if you tell anyone. But once you’re carrying the child of Satan, your life isn’t as without options as it may seem.

Every child needs a mother, even if its father is an ageless evil who has chosen to spend an eternity cackling in his personal fire pit, so you could always do your best to be the monstrosity’s mother. Or you could give the child up for adoption - there’s no rule saying you have to be the mother of the antichrist. If any of these signs that you’ve been impregnated by Satan apply to you, remember to consult a physician or a trusted coven of witches before you make any rash decisions. Chances are, you're probably just pregnant with a regular, human child. 

You Wake Up With Wounds On Your Body


You Wake Up With Wounds On You... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Classic Signs You're Carrying Satan's Baby, And How To Plan Appropriately
Photo:  Paramount Pictures

A tell-tale sign of fostering Satan's unborn child in your womb is the appearance of claw marks or deep gouges across your skin when you wake up in the morning. These won't be your run-of-the-mill scratches that you find the morning after a round of suitably rough intercourse - these scratches will be deeper than the average fingernail marks and they'll likely be in a more animalistic shape than you're used to. If the claw marks have left any symbols across your body (pentagrams, pyramids, ominous squiggles), then you definitely have a demon baby hiding in your body. 

You Crave Raw Meat Or Blood


You Crave Raw Meat Or Blood is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Classic Signs You're Carrying Satan's Baby, And How To Plan Appropriately
Photo:  Paramount Pictures

Odd cravings are natural when you're pregnant, but one particular craving that you should worry about is the desire to feast upon raw meat. There's simply something you need to satisfy your cravings, whether you're noshing on a bloody steak or a tube of raw beef. You may even want to double down on your urges by drinking blood from the still-beating heart of an innocent. If that's how you feel, then you should start picking out baby names from the book of Revelations. 

A Sallow Look Falls Across Your Face


A Sallow Look Falls Across You... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list Classic Signs You're Carrying Satan's Baby, And How To Plan Appropriately
Photo:  Paramount Pictures

As soon as you discovered that you were pregnant, did people begin referring to your appearance as "wan" or "hollow"? Do you have a jaundiced look to your eyes where there was once a bright light full of hope? Most women report of a glow that takes over their body once they're with child. However, those that have been impregnated by a demon, incubus, or Satan himself have been known to take on the look of someone whose very life is being drained from their body

Brisk Gestation


Brisk Gestation is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Classic Signs You're Carrying Satan's Baby, And How To Plan Appropriately
Photo:  20th Century Fox

Was it only a week ago that you had amazing intercourse with a handsome stranger who may or may not have had goat eyes, and now you've got a six-month baby bump? It's never fun to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems like you may be pregnant with a demonic baby. One of the biggest signs that your child is of the nether realm is if it comes to full term quicker than it should. If you enjoy sleeping with sexy, slightly devilish men (either in real life or in dreams), you should keep a personal planner handy just to keep track of any pregnancies that occur.