The signs of a basic bro are many - if he plays drinking games long after college has ended, brags that he could bench press you, revs his engine to show off, wears AXE body spray, and goes to Hooters regularly, chances are you're dating a basic white guy. If you've heard the guy you're dating say, "Make me a sandwich, woman," even jokingly, you're all but guaranteed to be dating a bro.
Basic bro behavior is also contradictory and a bit mystifying: he shouts "No homo!" at any sign of affection between him and his friends, yet draws d*cks on them if they're passed out drunk and pretend dry-humps them. He has the latest gadgets and electronics, yet is seemingly always out of toilet paper and his only cleaning supplies are Windex and Clorox wipes. This bro lives to party, and chances are he was a frat boy in college - yet even though he graduated, he's never outgrown that time-honored activity: the keg stand. He lives for Coachella and Vegas, and often takes trips with his "boys."
Yet which is worse - that he spends a good chunk of money betting on fantasy football every year, or that he doesn't even bother to hide his porn collection? Only you can decide! Vote up the most ridiculous and accurate signs that you're dating a basic bro, and watch out for those guys wearing backwards baseball caps and sleeveless shirts, showing off their tribal tattoos.
He attributes your bad mood to that time of the month "Are you on your period?"
He says "That's gay" or "That's retarded" when he really means "That's stupid"
He makes sexist jokes "Adam gave Eve a rib so she could live - and she complained about it."
He brags about how much he can lift
He still brags about his high school or college sports achievements
He revs his engine to impress people Namely "hot chicks."
Backwards or sideways baseball caps are his go-to look
He refers to his friends as his "boys" or "bros"
He wears AXE body spray And he's usually drenched in it.
He has a display of empty whiskey bottles and beer cans Usually on top of his fridge or in the kitchen.
He'll use any excuse not to wear a condom "Aren't you on the pill anyway?"
He goes to Hooters so he can check out the waitresses And rates their cleavage on a scale of 1-10.
His flirting involves telling you he could bench press you "What do you weigh, like 120? I could definitely bench press you."
He says "Make me a sandwich" when you're in the kitchen "Just kidding, babe!"
His comments on your Instagram selfies are usually something like "INSTA BONER."
He has tribal tattoos And no regrets.
He spends thousands on the latest electronics, but is always out of toilet paper
The only magazines he reads are Sports Illustrated, Playboy, and Maxim
He frequently says, "No homo"
He drives a jacked-up truck or souped-up Civic
He draws d*cks on passed out friends at parties "Dude, no homo."
He thinks burping loudly after dinner is a compliment More like a sign of bad manners, but okay.
He loves chest bumping his bros
He plays drinking games well after college And brags about how good he is at Beer Pong.
He was in a fraternity Bros for life!
He lives for Vegas trips with his boys
He uses the word "Epic" a lot
He thinks a great date night spot is a place with $2 pitchers Which he always drinks most of.
He's a sucker for products that have been endorsed by a sports star "Gotta go buy a 12 pack of Bud, because that's what Peyton drinks."
He invests a decent chunk of money in his Fantasy Football leauge And gets sulky if his quarterback has an off night.
He thinks Seth MacFarlane is funny and loves quoting Family Guy "Giggity, giggity, giggity!"
He doesn't bother to conceal his ~adult film~ collection
Donald Harris added He flies into instant rage the second someone merely mentions another girl he's been seen with
He loves Entourage Because he secretly wishes that his life was just like that.
He claims he's a "grill master"
He refers to his basement as his "man cave"
He has a poster of Bob Marley, Fight Club, Fast and the Furious, or the Boondock Saints Look for it - it's there.
He watches ESPN religiously
He claims he knows how to play the guitar But he really only knows one or two songs, and one is definitely "Wonderwall."
He loves Coachella SO MUCH
He wears boat shoes
His favorite comedian is Daniel Tosh Or Dane Cook.
His favorite website is The Chive Chive on!
He quotes Barney from How I Met Your Mother "Legen... wait for it... dary!"
He gives you lingerie as a birthday present Which he wants you to wear that night, of course.
He thinks Matthew McConaughey and Jason Statham are the ultimate bros