The signs of a basic bro are many - if he plays drinking games long after college has ended, brags that he could bench press you, revs his engine to show off, wears AXE body spray, and goes to Hooters regularly, chances are you're dating a basic white guy. If you've heard the guy you're dating say, "Make me a sandwich, woman," even jokingly, you're all but guaranteed to be dating a bro.
Basic bro behavior is also contradictory and a bit mystifying: he shouts "No homo!" at any sign of affection between him and his friends, yet draws d*cks on them if they're passed out drunk and pretend dry-humps them. He has the latest gadgets and electronics, yet is seemingly always out of toilet paper and his only cleaning supplies are Windex and Clorox wipes. This bro lives to party, and chances are he was a frat boy in college - yet even though he graduated, he's never outgrown that time-honored activity: the keg stand. He lives for Coachella and Vegas, and often takes trips with his "boys."
Yet which is worse - that he spends a good chunk of money betting on fantasy football every year, or that he doesn't even bother to hide his porn collection? Only you can decide! Vote up the most ridiculous and accurate signs that you're dating a basic bro, and watch out for those guys wearing backwards baseball caps and sleeveless shirts, showing off their tribal tattoos.
list ordered by
He attributes your bad mood to that time of the month
"Are you on your period?"
He makes sexist jokes
"Adam gave Eve a rib so she could live - and she complained about it."
He says "That's gay" or "That's retarded" when he really means "That's stupid"
He still brags about his high school or college sports achievements
He brags about how much he can lift
He revs his engine to impress people
Namely "hot chicks."
He wears AXE body spray
And he's usually drenched in it.
He'll use any excuse not to wear a condom
"Aren't you on the pill anyway?"
Backwards or sideways baseball caps are his go-to look
He refers to his friends as his "boys" or "bros"
He has a display of empty whiskey bottles and beer cans
Usually on top of his fridge or in the kitchen.
He goes to Hooters so he can check out the waitresses
And rates their cleavage on a scale of 1-10.
He says "Make me a sandwich" when you're in the kitchen
"Just kidding, babe!"
His flirting involves telling you he could bench press you
"What do you weigh, like 120? I could definitely bench press you."
He spends thousands on the latest electronics, but is always out of toilet paper
He has tribal tattoos
And no regrets.
He frequently says, "No homo"
The only magazines he reads are Sports Illustrated, Playboy, and Maxim
His comments on your Instagram selfies are usually something like "INSTA BONER."
He draws d*cks on passed out friends at parties
"Dude, no homo."
He drives a jacked-up truck or souped-up Civic
He loves chest bumping his bros
He thinks burping loudly after dinner is a compliment
More like a sign of bad manners, but okay.
He's a sucker for products that have been endorsed by a sports star
"Gotta go buy a 12 pack of Bud, because that's what Peyton drinks."