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275 voters

18 Extremely Stupid Pickup Lines From The 19th Century

Updated May 30, 2017 1.5k votes 275 voters 14.7k views18 items

List RulesVote up the 19th-century pickup lines that get you hottest in the knickers.

For nostalgic idealists, daydreams of dating in the 19th century can offer a welcome escape from the modern-day Tinder horror stories to an elegant age of gentility and romance. The thought of lounging in an ornate parlor and hiding your blush with a lace fan as a dashing stranger hands you an invitation card (with a chaperone present of course) can be intoxicating. As National Geographic points out, “invitation” or “escort” cards were the old pickup lines of yore – a way for men to formally “swipe left” before such technology existed. The woman of his affection would regard the card and return it or keep it based on how much her fancy was tickled. 

Would it be a match? The anticipation was overwhelming, nevermind that you'd probably eventually succumb to arsenic poisoning or suffer a bizarre 19th century death! At first glance, these old pickup lines lifted from actual escort cards may seem more artful and romantic than the preferred pickup line of the current zeitgeist: “You up? ;)” Vote up the historical pickup lines that make you want to time travel just for the nookie. 

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  • 1
    Come And See Our New Lamp. You Can Turn It Down So Low That There Is Scarcely Any Light At All.
    102
    44

    Come And See Our New Lamp. You Can Turn It Down So Low That There Is Scarcely Any Light At All.

    "I can dim the lights so we can get down."

  • 2
    I Ne'er On Your Form For A Moment Have Gazed, But A Thousand Temptations Beset Me.
    92
    39

    I Ne'er On Your Form For A Moment Have Gazed, But A Thousand Temptations Beset Me.

    "Hey! I just met you, and you make me crazy."

  • 3
    I'm Just Your Size And Complexion, And I'm Going In Your Direction. So, If You Have No Objection, I'd Like To Be Your Protection.
    77
    28

    I'm Just Your Size And Complexion, And I'm Going In Your Direction. So, If You Have No Objection, I'd Like To Be Your Protection.

    "I'm your type, let me follow you home."

  • 4
    My Heart To You Is Given, Oh! Do You Give Yours To Me? We'll Lock Them Up Together And Throw Away The Key.
    98
    51

    My Heart To You Is Given, Oh! Do You Give Yours To Me? We'll Lock Them Up Together And Throw Away The Key.

    "We can make it Facebook Official if that's what you really want."

  • 5
    Please, Will You Let Me See You Home, From Church Next Sunday Night? Don't Mind What Other People Say.
    76
    33

    Please, Will You Let Me See You Home, From Church Next Sunday Night? Don't Mind What Other People Say.

    "Screw the haters, PDA is for real lovers."

  • 6
    'Tis Balmy Eve, And Gentle Zephyrs Blow With Mildness Seldom Seen. I Would Like To Go And See You Safely To The Garden Gate.
    47
    28

    'Tis Balmy Eve, And Gentle Zephyrs Blow With Mildness Seldom Seen. I Would Like To Go And See You Safely To The Garden Gate.

    "You up? ;)"

  • 7
    Not Married And Out For A Good Time.
    70
    54

    Not Married And Out For A Good Time.

    "Looking For: Casual"

  • 8
    Your Coral Lips Were Made To Kiss, I Stoutly Will Maintain; And Day You Say My Lovely Miss, That Aught Was Made In Vain?
    44
    27

    Your Coral Lips Were Made To Kiss, I Stoutly Will Maintain; And Day You Say My Lovely Miss, That Aught Was Made In Vain?

    "I was made for loving you baby, you were made for loving me!"

  • 9
    Love Made On Short Notice. Give Me A Trial Before Going Elsewhere.
    47
    33

    Love Made On Short Notice. Give Me A Trial Before Going Elsewhere.

    "I can borrow my roommate's car and get there ASAP. Give me a chance!"

  • 10
    Not Married. Subject To Change Without Notice.
    38
    25

    Not Married. Subject To Change Without Notice.

    "Looking for a girl who is 'marriage material.'" 

  • 11
    Cable Address: I Have A Feeling For You. Beware Of Fakes. I Am The Original.
    40
    31

    Cable Address: I Have A Feeling For You. Beware Of Fakes. I Am The Original.

    Translation: "Girl you're hot, where u live? There are a lotta posers, I'm the REAL DEAL.

  • 12
    Office Hours From 1 To Won. All My Work Guaranteed To Bring Results. No Extra Charge For Night Work."
    37
    28

    Office Hours From 1 To Won. All My Work Guaranteed To Bring Results. No Extra Charge For Night Work."

    "I won't stop until you're mine. Open for business all the time ;)"

  • 13
    In The Good Old Summer Time, Will You Promise To Be Mine?
    37
    33

    In The Good Old Summer Time, Will You Promise To Be Mine?

    "We're cool for the summer, right?"

  • 14
    I Am A Millionaire's Only Son! Not Married But Easily Lassoed!
    30
    26

    I Am A Millionaire's Only Son! Not Married But Easily Lassoed!

    "I have a trust fund and I'll put-out!"

  • 15
    Consult Me On Spooning Business. Special Attention Paid To Other Fellows' Girls.
    30
    32

    Consult Me On Spooning Business. Special Attention Paid To Other Fellows' Girls.

    "Big spoon to make you swoon." 

  • 16
    Office Hours: 1 PM To 4 AM. Hugetit Lane, Squeezemburg.
    27
    38

    Office Hours: 1 PM To 4 AM. Hugetit Lane, Squeezemburg.

    "I have weird availability but my hugs are generally well-received!"

  • 17
    Let Us Get Acquainted. Capital, Two Thousand Dollars In My Dreams. Kind Regards To All Friends And Other Fellows' Girls.
    23
    33

    Let Us Get Acquainted. Capital, Two Thousand Dollars In My Dreams. Kind Regards To All Friends And Other Fellows' Girls.

    "Get at me, I'm rich in my dreams! I'm into you, even if you're taken!"

  • 18
    Ragtime Millionaire, Sole Owner And Agent For Up-To-Date Hugs And Kisses. Holding Hands A Specialty.
    20
    29

    Ragtime Millionaire, Sole Owner And Agent For Up-To-Date Hugs And Kisses. Holding Hands A Specialty.

    "Rich playboy, answers to no one, good luvin."