The Best Soccer Jokes

Updated July 31, 2020 19.3k votes 7.8k voters 145.9k views25 items

List RulesVote up any funny joke about soccer / futbol

This list contains some of the funniest soccer jokes, ranked by your votes. These are some of the funniest soccer jokes of all time. That is just a fact. Some of these soccer jokes are new and others are timeless classics. We all know one or two CLASSIC soccer jokes, right? Right? No? Then this list will give you some new jokes to tell at your next social gathering!

This list includes jokes about soccer for soccer fans, as well as cute soccer jokes that everyone can enjoy. Who doesn't love some good soccer puns? SOCCER HUMOR!

Most of the clever soccer jokes on this page are written with the traditional set-up, punchline delivery in mind. Some of these funny soccer jokes are aimed at specific teams, while others are enjoyable jokes that are more general about the sport of soccer. All of them are super good soccer jokes though. We promise.

Which funny soccer joke is your favorite? Take a look at this list and be sure to vote the funniest soccer jokes to the top spot. Also share some jokes of your own!

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1
1,150
686
What do Chelsea and US Navy have in common?
They both spent 50mil on a sub.
2
961
568
What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A referee.
3
823
480
What is the difference between an Liverpool supporter and a baby?
The baby will stop whining after awhile.
4
1,460
899
What's the difference between England and a Tea Bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
5
660
392
What ship has never arrived in the ports of Liverpool?
The Premiership.
6
522
303
How do athletes stay cool during a game?
They stand near the fans.
7
613
391
What tea do footballers drink?
Penal-tea.
8
556
355
How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
None they just sit around talking about how good the old one was.
9
391
237
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the Football team?
Because she kept running away from the ball.
10
627
414
Why are soccer players excellent at math?
They know how to use their heads.

11
519
348
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
So he could tie the score.
12
491
330
Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
All of them, crossbars can't jump.
13
247
147
How many City supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
Both of them.
14
297
202
How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.
15
444
341
Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra?
It has no cups and very little support.
16
238
171
Why did the soccer ball quit the team?
He was tired of being kicked around.
17
218
163
What lights up a football stadium?
A football match.
18
252
196
Where do soccer players dance?
At a soccer ball.
19
181
133
What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill.
20
183
136
Why is a football pitch always so wet?
Because the players dribble a lot.

21
165
235
What is soccer?
It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen and 20,000 referees.
22
118
186
What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
The "scenter" spot.
23
111
180
Why does the soccer ball curse so much?
Because he gets a kick out of it.
24
100
181
How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three - the first to change the light bulb, the second to buy the commemorative Manchester United Light bulb Change DVD, and the third to drive the other two back to London.
25
118
214
What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?
Waste of Spice.