Sports

The Best Soccer Jokes 

Jack Napier
Updated June 14, 2019 18.4k votes 7.5k voters 139.4k views 25 items

List Rules Vote up any funny joke about soccer / futbol

This list contains some of the funniest soccer jokes, ranked by your votes. These are some of the funniest soccer jokes of all time. That is just a fact. Some of these soccer jokes are new and others are timeless classics. We all know one or two CLASSIC soccer jokes, right? Right? No? Then this list will give you some new jokes to tell at your next social gathering!

This list includes jokes about soccer for soccer fans, as well as cute soccer jokes that everyone can enjoy. Who doesn't love some good soccer puns? SOCCER HUMOR!

Most of the clever soccer jokes on this page are written with the traditional set-up, punchline delivery in mind. Some of these funny soccer jokes are aimed at specific teams, while others are enjoyable jokes that are more general about the sport of soccer. All of them are super good soccer jokes though. We promise.

Which funny soccer joke is your favorite? Take a look at this list and be sure to vote the funniest soccer jokes to the top spot. Also share some jokes of your own!
list ordered by
1
What's the difference be... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What's the difference between England and a Tea Bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
2
What do Chelsea and US N... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What do Chelsea and US Navy have in common?
They both spent 50mil on a sub.
3
What do you call an Engl... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A referee.
4
What is the difference b... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What is the difference between an Liverpool supporter and a baby?
The baby will stop whining after awhile.
5
What ship has never arri... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What ship has never arrived in the ports of Liverpool?
The Premiership.
6
Why are soccer players e... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why are soccer players excellent at math?
They know how to use their heads.
7
How many Liverpool fans ... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
None they just sit around talking about how good the old one was.
8
What tea do footballers ... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What tea do footballers drink?
Penal-tea.
9
How do athletes stay coo... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
How do athletes stay cool during a game?
They stand near the fans.
10
Why did the soccer playe... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
So he could tie the score.
11
Which goalkeeper can jum... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
All of them, crossbars can't jump.
12
Why did Cinderella get k... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the Football team?
Because she kept running away from the ball.
13
Why is a bad soccer team... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra?
It has no cups and very little support.
14
How do you stop squirrel... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.
15
How many City supporters... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
How many City supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
Both of them.
16
Where do soccer players ... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Where do soccer players dance?
At a soccer ball.
17
Why did the soccer ball ... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why did the soccer ball quit the team?
He was tired of being kicked around.
18
What lights up a footbal... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What lights up a football stadium?
A football match.
19
Why is a football pitch ... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why is a football pitch always so wet?
Because the players dribble a lot.
20
What is black and white ... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill.
21
What is soccer? is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What is soccer?
It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen and 20,000 referees.
22
Why does the soccer ball... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why does the soccer ball curse so much?
Because he gets a kick out of it.
23
What part of a football ... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
The "scenter" spot.
24
How many Manchester Unit... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three - the first to change the light bulb, the second to buy the commemorative Manchester United Light bulb Change DVD, and the third to drive the other two back to London.
25
What would David Beckham... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?
Waste of Spice.