The Best Soccer Jokes

This list contains some of the funniest soccer jokes, ranked by your votes. These are some of the funniest soccer jokes of all time. That is just a fact. Some of these soccer jokes are new and others are timeless classics. We all know one or two CLASSIC soccer jokes, right? Right? No? Then this list will give you some new jokes to tell at your next social gathering!

This list includes jokes about soccer for soccer fans, as well as cute soccer jokes that everyone can enjoy. Who doesn't love some good soccer puns? SOCCER HUMOR!

Most of the clever soccer jokes on this page are written with the traditional set-up, punchline delivery in mind. Some of these funny soccer jokes are aimed at specific teams, while others are enjoyable jokes that are more general about the sport of soccer. All of them are super good soccer jokes though. We promise.

Which funny soccer joke is your favorite? Take a look at this list and be sure to vote the funniest soccer jokes to the top spot. Also share some jokes of your own!

list ordered by

1
297 166

What's the difference between England and a Tea Bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

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2
155 83

What do Chelsea and US Navy have in common? They both spent 50mil on a sub.

3
150 81

What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee.

4
118 58

How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they just sit around talking about how good the old one was.

5
85 43

What is the difference between an Liverpool supporter and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.

6
155 101

Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar? All of them, crossbars can't jump.

7
149 106

Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra? It has no cups and very little support.

8
134 94

$Why are soccer players excelle... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes$

Why are soccer players excellent at math? They know how to use their heads.

9
111 75

What tea do footballers drink? Penal-tea.

10
101 70

How do athletes stay cool during a game? They stand near the fans.

11
65 39

What ship has never arrived in the ports of Liverpool? The Premiership.

12
58 35

How many City supporters does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them.

13
57 36

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden? Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.

14
88 64

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the Football team? Because she kept running away from the ball.

15
80 57

Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.

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16
77 57

Where do soccer players dance? At a soccer ball.

17
57 40

What lights up a football stadium? A football match.

18
50 43

What is black and white and black and white and black and white? A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill.

19
40 33

Why is a football pitch always so wet? Because the players dribble a lot.

20
50 49

Why did the soccer ball quit the team? He was tired of being kicked around.

21
40 43

What part of a football pitch smells nicest? The "scenter" spot.

22
47 51

Why does the soccer ball curse so much? Because he gets a kick out of it.

23
37 49

What is soccer? It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen and 20,000 referees.

24
29 41

How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - the first to change the light bulb, the second to buy the commemorative Manchester United Light bulb Change DVD, and the third to drive the other two back to London.

25
21 49

What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl? Waste of Spice.

1 297 166 What's the difference between England and a Tea Bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

2 155 83 What do Chelsea and US Navy have in common? They both spent 50mil on a sub.

3 150 81 What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee.

4 118 58 How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they just sit around talking about how good the old one was.

5 85 43 What is the difference between an Liverpool supporter and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.

6 155 101 Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar? All of them, crossbars can't jump.

7 149 106 Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra? It has no cups and very little support.

8 134 94 Why are soccer players excellent at math? They know how to use their heads.

9 111 75 What tea do footballers drink? Penal-tea.

10 101 70 How do athletes stay cool during a game? They stand near the fans.

11 65 39 What ship has never arrived in the ports of Liverpool? The Premiership.

12 58 35 How many City supporters does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them.

13 57 36 How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden? Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.

14 88 64 Why did Cinderella get kicked off the Football team? Because she kept running away from the ball.

15 80 57 Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.

16 77 57 Where do soccer players dance? At a soccer ball.

17 57 40 What lights up a football stadium? A football match.

18 50 43 What is black and white and black and white and black and white? A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill.

19 40 33 Why is a football pitch always so wet? Because the players dribble a lot.

20 50 49 Why did the soccer ball quit the team? He was tired of being kicked around.

21 40 43 What part of a football pitch smells nicest? The "scenter" spot.

22 47 51 Why does the soccer ball curse so much? Because he gets a kick out of it.

23 37 49 What is soccer? It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen and 20,000 referees.

24 29 41 How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - the first to change the light bulb, the second to buy the commemorative Manchester United Light bulb Change DVD, and the third to drive the other two back to London.

25 21 49 What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl? Waste of Spice.