Jokes The Best Soccer Jokes  

Jack Napier
10.2k votes 4.2k voters 84.6k views 25 items

List Rules Vote up any funny joke about soccer / futbol

This list contains some of the funniest soccer jokes, ranked by your votes. These are some of the funniest soccer jokes of all time. That is just a fact. Some of these soccer jokes are new and others are timeless classics. We all know one or two CLASSIC soccer jokes, right? Right? No? Then this list will give you some new jokes to tell at your next social gathering!

This list includes jokes about soccer for soccer fans, as well as cute soccer jokes that everyone can enjoy. Who doesn't love some good soccer puns? SOCCER HUMOR!

Most of the clever soccer jokes on this page are written with the traditional set-up, punchline delivery in mind. Some of these funny soccer jokes are aimed at specific teams, while others are enjoyable jokes that are more general about the sport of soccer. All of them are super good soccer jokes though. We promise.

Which funny soccer joke is your favorite? Take a look at this list and be sure to vote the funniest soccer jokes to the top spot. Also share some jokes of your own!

1
272 159
What ship has never arrived in... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What ship has never arrived in the ports of Liverpool? The Premiership.

2
538 374
What do Chelsea and US Navy ha... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What do Chelsea and US Navy have in common? They both spent 50mil on a sub.

3
427 292
What do you call an Englishman... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee.

4
297 195
What is the difference between... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What is the difference between an Liverpool supporter and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.

5
338 228
How many Liverpool fans does i... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they just sit around talking about how good the old one was.

6
780 579
What's the difference between ... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What's the difference between England and a Tea Bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

7
194 140
Why did the soccer player brin... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.

8
147 100
How do you stop squirrels play... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden? Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.

9
314 249
Which goalkeeper can jump high... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar? All of them, crossbars can't jump.

10
299 237
Why are soccer players excelle... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why are soccer players excellent at math? They know how to use their heads.

11
193 147
How do athletes stay cool duri... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
How do athletes stay cool during a game? They stand near the fans.

12
345 284
Why is a bad soccer team like ... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra? It has no cups and very little support.

13
361 299
What tea do footballers drink? is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What tea do footballers drink? Penal-tea.

14
163 123
Why did Cinderella get kicked ... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the Football team? Because she kept running away from the ball.

The Sexiest Female Soccer Players

15
129 96
What lights up a football stad... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What lights up a football stadium? A football match.

16
158 123
Where do soccer players dance? is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Where do soccer players dance? At a soccer ball.

17
118 87
How many City supporters does ... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
How many City supporters does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them.

18
121 103
Why did the soccer ball quit t... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why did the soccer ball quit the team? He was tired of being kicked around.

19
91 75
Why is a football pitch always... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why is a football pitch always so wet? Because the players dribble a lot.

20
98 84
What is black and white and bl... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What is black and white and black and white and black and white? A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill.

21
88 95
Why does the soccer ball curse... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
Why does the soccer ball curse so much? Because he gets a kick out of it.

22
88 107
What is soccer? is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What is soccer? It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen and 20,000 referees.

23
74 94
What part of a football pitch ... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What part of a football pitch smells nicest? The "scenter" spot.

24
52 89
How many Manchester United fan... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - the first to change the light bulb, the second to buy the commemorative Manchester United Light bulb Change DVD, and the third to drive the other two back to London.

25
60 114
What would David Beckham's nam... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Best Soccer Jokes
What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl? Waste of Spice.