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7.7k voters

The Best Soccer Jokes

Updated July 31, 2020 19.7k votes 7.7k voters 144.2k views25 items

List RulesVote up any funny joke about soccer / futbol

This list contains some of the funniest soccer jokes, ranked by your votes. These are some of the funniest soccer jokes of all time. That is just a fact. Some of these soccer jokes are new and others are timeless classics. We all know one or two CLASSIC soccer jokes, right? Right? No? Then this list will give you some new jokes to tell at your next social gathering!

This list includes jokes about soccer for soccer fans, as well as cute soccer jokes that everyone can enjoy. Who doesn't love some good soccer puns? SOCCER HUMOR!

Most of the clever soccer jokes on this page are written with the traditional set-up, punchline delivery in mind. Some of these funny soccer jokes are aimed at specific teams, while others are enjoyable jokes that are more general about the sport of soccer. All of them are super good soccer jokes though. We promise.

Which funny soccer joke is your favorite? Take a look at this list and be sure to vote the funniest soccer jokes to the top spot. Also share some jokes of your own!
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  • What do Chelsea and US Navy have in common?1
    1,169
    693

    What do Chelsea and US Navy have in common?

    They both spent 50mil on a sub.
  • What is the difference between an Liverpool supporter and a baby?2
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    What is the difference between an Liverpool supporter and a baby?

    The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?3
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    What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?

    A referee.
  • What's the difference between England and a Tea Bag?4
    1,515
    935

    What's the difference between England and a Tea Bag?

    The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
  • What ship has never arrived in the ports of Liverpool?5
    668
    398

    What ship has never arrived in the ports of Liverpool?

    The Premiership.
  • How do athletes stay cool during a game?6
    517
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    How do athletes stay cool during a game?

    They stand near the fans.
  • What tea do footballers drink?7
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    What tea do footballers drink?

    Penal-tea.
  • Why did Cinderella get kicked off the Football team?8
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    Why did Cinderella get kicked off the Football team?

    Because she kept running away from the ball.
  • How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?9
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    How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?

    None they just sit around talking about how good the old one was.
  • Why are soccer players excellent at math?10
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    Why are soccer players excellent at math?

    They know how to use their heads.
  • Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?11
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    Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?

    So he could tie the score.
  • Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?12
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    Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?

    All of them, crossbars can't jump.
  • How many City supporters does it take to change a light bulb?13
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    How many City supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

    Both of them.
  • How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?14
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    How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

    Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.
  • Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra?15
    462
    350

    Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra?

    It has no cups and very little support.
  • Why did the soccer ball quit the team?16
    243
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    Why did the soccer ball quit the team?

    He was tired of being kicked around.
  • What lights up a football stadium?17
    223
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    What lights up a football stadium?

    A football match.
  • Where do soccer players dance?18
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    Where do soccer players dance?

    At a soccer ball.
  • What is black and white and black and white and black and white?19
    185
    135

    What is black and white and black and white and black and white?

    A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill.
  • Why is a football pitch always so wet?20
    187
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    Why is a football pitch always so wet?

    Because the players dribble a lot.
  • What is soccer?21
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    What is soccer?

    It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen and 20,000 referees.
  • Why does the soccer ball curse so much?22
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    Why does the soccer ball curse so much?

    Because he gets a kick out of it.
  • What part of a football pitch smells nicest?23
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    What part of a football pitch smells nicest?

    The "scenter" spot.
  • How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?24
    101
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    How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Three - the first to change the light bulb, the second to buy the commemorative Manchester United Light bulb Change DVD, and the third to drive the other two back to London.
  • What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?25
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    What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?

    Waste of Spice.