Sports
7.9k voters

The Best Soccer Jokes

Updated July 31, 2020 18.5k votes 7.9k voters 148.1k views25 items

List RulesVote up any funny joke about soccer / futbol

This list contains some of the funniest soccer jokes, ranked by your votes. These are some of the funniest soccer jokes of all time. That is just a fact. Some of these soccer jokes are new and others are timeless classics. We all know one or two CLASSIC soccer jokes, right? Right? No? Then this list will give you some new jokes to tell at your next social gathering!

This list includes jokes about soccer for soccer fans, as well as cute soccer jokes that everyone can enjoy. Who doesn't love some good soccer puns? SOCCER HUMOR!

Most of the clever soccer jokes on this page are written with the traditional set-up, punchline delivery in mind. Some of these funny soccer jokes are aimed at specific teams, while others are enjoyable jokes that are more general about the sport of soccer. All of them are super good soccer jokes though. We promise.

Which funny soccer joke is your favorite? Take a look at this list and be sure to vote the funniest soccer jokes to the top spot. Also share some jokes of your own!
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  • 1
    1,097
    646

    What do Chelsea and US Navy have in common?

    They both spent 50mil on a sub.
  • 2
    797
    459

    What is the difference between an Liverpool supporter and a baby?

    The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • 3
    1,399
    850

    What's the difference between England and a Tea Bag?

    The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
  • 4
    929
    552

    What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?

    A referee.
  • 5
    499
    284

    How do athletes stay cool during a game?

    They stand near the fans.
  • 6
    618
    369

    What ship has never arrived in the ports of Liverpool?

    The Premiership.
  • 7
    607
    376

    What tea do footballers drink?

    Penal-tea.
  • 8
    376
    225

    Why did Cinderella get kicked off the Football team?

    Because she kept running away from the ball.
  • 9
    531
    340

    How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?

    None they just sit around talking about how good the old one was.
  • 10
    597
    390

    Why are soccer players excellent at math?

    They know how to use their heads.
  • 11
    488
    326

    Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?

    So he could tie the score.
  • 12
    469
    312

    Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?

    All of them, crossbars can't jump.
  • 13
    236
    142

    How many City supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

    Both of them.
  • 14
    288
    189

    How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

    Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.
  • 15
    423
    319

    Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra?

    It has no cups and very little support.
  • 16
    248
    180

    Where do soccer players dance?

    At a soccer ball.
  • 17
    227
    164

    Why did the soccer ball quit the team?

    He was tired of being kicked around.
  • 18
    209
    153

    What lights up a football stadium?

    A football match.
  • 19
    174
    127

    What is black and white and black and white and black and white?

    A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill.
  • 20
    171
    129

    Why is a football pitch always so wet?

    Because the players dribble a lot.
  • 21
    161
    218

    What is soccer?

    It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen and 20,000 referees.
  • 22
    112
    176

    What part of a football pitch smells nicest?

    The "scenter" spot.
  • 23
    107
    173

    Why does the soccer ball curse so much?

    Because he gets a kick out of it.
  • 24
    95
    171

    How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Three - the first to change the light bulb, the second to buy the commemorative Manchester United Light bulb Change DVD, and the third to drive the other two back to London.
  • 25
    113
    207

    What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?

    Waste of Spice.