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Which South Park Character Are You According To Your Zodiac Sign

Updated May 18, 2018 21.7k views12 items

Fans of both astrology and offensive humor, rejoice! With a South Park character based on your zodiac sign, you'll be instantly paired with your inner 4th grader. Even though the show the writers of South Park, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, created revolves around a bunch of kids, that doesn't stop them from being dirty, vile, and downright insulting. South Park's controversial jokes take satire to the next level and have helped the show make animated history.

Even though nobody probably wants to be like the degenerate people of South Park, CO, there's a little bit of Cartman's jerkyness or Jimmy's witty humor in everyone. Being a terrible person isn't all bad, though. Sometimes, the awful ideas and unpopular opinions South Park characters share actually make a good point. Join the atrocious misadventures of South Park on a celestial level by letting the zodiac pair you with your own personal, abominable, spiritual, cartoon companion.

  • Aries (March 20-April 19): Randy Marsh

    Photo: South Park / Comedy Central

    When Stan's dad, Randy Marsh, gets involved with pretty much anything, he tends to get completely obsessed. A kindred celestial spirit, an Aries knows no chill. They are the master of accepting challenges; it doesn't matter if they're confronted with inventing a new sport or offered the position as lead singer in a boy-band - they always come out on top.

    An Aries is fueled by a fiery, inner passion. Although they rush into every one of their grand ideas without a second thought, they'll stick through with their plan until the very end. Randy has stood by every weird endeavor of his, only abandoning his plot if he goes out kicking and screaming.

  • Taurus (April 20-May 20): Token Black

    Photo: South Park / Comedy Central

    According to the zodiac's barreling Bull, Taurus, slow and steady wins the race. Their patience and capacity for other people's nonsense is completely unmatched. Throughout the various seasons of South Park, Token Black has certainly put up with some sh*t - especially from Cartman. 

    Even though Token can typically brush off his peers' remarks with the patience of a saint, he stands up for himself when he thinks it's necessary. Taurus is a lazy sign, so they'll only make moves if they think their cause is worth it, but, when they do, their moral statutes are unmoving.

  • Photo: South Park / Comedy Central

    Like most mercurial Geminis, Wendy Testaburger isn't afraid to speak her mind. She's witty and resourceful, and she's keen on sharing her knowledge with the world. Working with others is easy, and she's an excellent collaborator, rounding up the children for important meetings on many occasions.

    Geminis are symbolized by the Twins. Being a split entity, this zodiac sign is known for its dual personality. While incredibly intelligent, Wendy is also a neighborhood deviant; luckily, she knows how to sneak under the radar.

  • Photo: South Park / Comedy Central

    With a hard attitude on the outside and a gentle soul on the inside, a Cancer puts up a solid barrier to keep their emotions from spilling out all over the floor. Clyde Donovan is definitely both hypersensitive and unstable. His moods are volatile, and he often winds up sobbing after something upsets him.

    Clyde tries his best to accommodate everyone, even the most rotten kids in South Park. It's a Cancer's nature to be caring and nurturing, but they can also be cold and distant. Sometimes, a Cancer will take the blame for a bad situation just because they want it to be over.