Entertainment

Stewie Griffin Quotes  

Movie and TV Quotes
2.4k votes 604 voters 70k views 13 items

Stewie Griffin quotes make us laugh, cringe, and often face-palm as they are uttered by the infant on the popular prime time animated series Family Guy. Though he's just a baby, Stewie certainly has an impressive vocabulary, which he shares with viewers via series creator and lead voice talent Seth MacFarlane.

Stewie Griffin has become a favorite character on the series because of his wise-beyond-his years commentary and snarky comebacks. No one would expect an infant to know foreign languages, yet the youngster is able to demand pancakes in Spanish and French in one episode. No one would expect him to comprehend what harlots do in another episode, yet he knows enough to ask them about any "tread left on their tires."

When he's not off on various adventures with family dog Brian or learning about female anatomy from the dirty magazine's under brother Chris' bed, Stewie Griffin spends much of his time plotting to slay his mother, Lois Griffin. One of his most popular quotes expresses his hatred for the women who gave birth to him when he often utters, "Damn you, vile woman!"

His other go-to lines depend on the situation. "Victory is mine!" for example is his favorite to celebrate an accomplishment, usually of the evil variety, while he uses the exclamation "Blast!" to express frustration and either "say whaaaaat?" or "What the deuce?" to express confusion or remark on a WTF moment.

Like the show itself, the best Stewie quotes are often distasteful and inappropriate but are what keep viewers coming back for more. So what if his head is shaped like a football, he's hilarious and that's why he's loved around the world.

1 261 VOTES
Lois Mom Mum Mommy
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Video: YouTube

Stewie: "Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois, mom, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, mommy, mama, mama, mama, ma, ma, ma, ma, mom, mom, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, mama, mama, mama..."
Lois: "What!?!"
Stewie: "Hi"

Just being a butthead, Stewie repeatedly yells for Lois as she's trying to rest by screaming her name first then variations on the title mom. When Lois finally responds, Stewie says "hi" and runs away laughing.
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2 237 VOTES
Cool Whip
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Video: YouTube

Stewie: "Ooh, you've got some pie. Can I have a piece?"
Brian: "Uh, ok"
Stewie: "Hey, pass over some of that Cool wHip"
Brian: "What?"
Stewie: "Well, you put Cool wHip on pie."
Brian: "It's Cool Whip"
Stewie: "That's what I said, Cool wHip"
Brian: "Cool Whip"
Stewie: "Cool wHip"
Brian: "Cool Whip"
Stewie: "Cool wHip"
Brian: "Why are you putting so much emphasis on the H?"
Stewie: "What are you talking about? I'm just saying Cool wHip"
Brian: "Say whip"
Stewie: "Whip"
Brian: "Now say Cool Whip"
Stewie: "Cool wHip"
Brian: "Cool Whip!"
Stewie: "Cool wHip"
Brian: "Cool Whip!"
Stewie: "Cool wHip"
Brian: "You're eating HAIR"

Brian and Stewie disagree on the correct pronunciation of the word "whip" in Cool Whip, especially the fact that Stewie enjoys emphasizing the H in whip. Little does Stewie know however that the pie he's enjoying with the whipped topping contain his sister Meg's hair.
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3 215 VOTES
I'd Love To Stay And Chat
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Video: YouTube

Stewie: "So Olivia, beautiful day"
Olivia: "You're not going too far again, are you?"
Stewie: "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total ..."

Sitting outside waiting for a ride home from the school for performing arts with Olivia, Stewie attempts to make small talk with his nemesis before Lois arrives to drive him home. As Stewie gets into the car, he pops off a line about how he'd like to stay but Olivia is a "total [witch]."

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4 188 VOTES
Damn, You Vile Woman
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Video: YouTube

Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb.

Perhaps the most used Stewie quote, the tot often expresses his dislike for his mother, Lois, and curses her with the "damn you vile woman" line.
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