20 People Recall The Fastest Time A Co-Worker Got Fired From Their Job

List Rules
Vote up the funniest stories of new employees getting fired quickly.

We like to call them "job speedruns."

All answers courtesy of this amazing AskReddit thread.

  • 1
    4,019 VOTES

    What An Absolute Mad Lad!

    From Redditor u/M_Looka:

    I worked at a bill collection firm in the early '90s (don't judge me). A guy started working there, went through the two days of training, then started working. After about an hour, he got up and left. Didn't say, "I quit." Didn't say "this job isn't for me." Didn't say "f*** you." He just got up to go to the bathroom, went through the front door and drove away. It took the managers a few hours to figure out that this guy got the job with a fake name, and erased his own debt on the computer.

    4,019 votes
  • 2
    1,724 VOTES

    That's Not Very Nice

    From Redditor u/Ok-Zookeepergame-698:

    We had a guy start in London on a Monday as a large contingent left for a conference in Seattle later that week. I met him at Heathrow with his badge and laptop on his first morning and boarded the flight with him.

    Longish story, but he ended up slapping a member of the flight crew because she wouldn’t let him sit in business class. I called HR when we landed and fired him in baggage claim. We paid for him to fly back to the UK next day.

    1,724 votes
  • 3
    1,569 VOTES

    This Isn't 'The Shining'

    From Redditor u/Bonguri:

    It was his second week. The guy came to work drunk as f***, picked the emergency axe and trashed the place with it. He got instantly fired and processed in court shortly after.

    1,569 votes
  • 4
    2,727 VOTES

    He Was Talking To The Wrong Person

    From Redditor u/ThrillaDaGuerilla:

    I had a new mechanic come in the shop out of orientation...so about two hours as an employee.

    They sent him to me to show him some ropes in the shop.

    What he didn't know is that I'm the owner/president/CEO of the dealership (heavy equipment and truck sales and service with 380 employees). I spend two days a week in the shop because that's what I like to do.

    Within the first five minutes, he questioned my expertise....Okay, no biggie, he doesn't know who am or anything about me, so I tell him ,"Don't worry yourself, there's only one guy here who has more experience than I do." The next five minutes was him telling me I'm an idiot for doing something a specific way, and there's shortcuts I can take (there are, but those shortcuts negate warranty payments). I tell him its a requirement to do it this way.

    He rolls his eyes, then tells me, "No one will ever know about it, and it'll help your flag hours." I reply, "It is 100% about doing the right thing...and that's how we operate here...we do the right thing by the customer, the manufacturer, and the company."

    Then he says, "I do right by me...not the idiot CEO, so he can buy a new truck every year."

    So I said, "Well, my truck is 12 years old, and this is your last day of work....Hi there, I'm the owner....that's my name on the big sign." I nodded to the floor manager and told him to process him out of my company.

    Total time on job: 2.5 hours.

    Be careful out there people...not all bosses wear suits and hide in offices.

    2,727 votes
  • 5
    1,596 VOTES

    When You Lie On Your Resume But You Get The Job

    From Redditor u/NuclearEyedSquirrel:

    Many years ago we hired a line cook that had a decent amount of experience. He started on steak night.

    First steak, undercooked.

    Refire, undercooked

    Third try, undercooked

    Fourth try, cow was still mooing when it came off the grill.

    FOH manager goes to head chef, tells him to kick him off the line, so he does. His new job was to replace me on the sauté station.

    First order he gets is for a side of asparagus, so he puts the asparagus into the hot pan, and adds enough oil to deep fry them. Well, he goes to turn them, oil escapes, hits the fire, and started a fire. He went to grab water, and if not for my head chef stealing the cup, we might have had a bigger fire.

    Just like that, gone. Turns out all his previous jobs were real places, but his supervisors were just friends who lied.

    Total time of employment: three hours.

    From Redditor u/aceh40:

    Thank goodness he did not apply to be a surgeon.

    1,596 votes
  • 6
    1,022 VOTES

    The Audacity

    From Redditor u/McCoolizade:

    A number of years back I worked at an inbound call center that also had an upsell side to it. A new guy fresh out of training was bragging about how he did over ten times the monthly goal in his first week alone. Didn't see him the following week and heard he was laid off because he was upgrading everyone's plans who called in to the highest costing plan without their consent or informing them.

    About a week or two later I got a text from him asking if I could be his reference for a new call center job he got. He somehow got a hold of a bunch of our numbers and just spammed everyone asking for a reference.

    1,022 votes