To call Willem Dafoe weird AF is an understatement. The actor has made a career out of finding where exactly the line is and careening across it. Thus, Dafoe’s performances on screen are about as even as his teeth. He's done stellar work in films like Platoon, To Live and Die in LA, Spider-Man (the first one, not the second or third one), and Boondock Saints (the first one, not the second one). But you have to balance that against his performances in Speed 2: Cruise Control, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Body of Evidence, and Howl. There’s a lot on either side of the fence. Dafoe is nothing if not prolific.
Many Willem Dafoe facts seem to center around the size of the actor’s manhood, which Lars von Trier described as “too large and confusing” to put on screen. One might find Willem Dafoe strange because of the way his biography gets hashed around a lot by reporters, looking to make the actor weirder than he actually is. They’re looking for all the reasons Dafoe turned out the way they think he is.
Was it his sex education at the age of six by his five “horny” sisters? Guardian reporter Stuart Jeffries theorized that latchkey kid Dafoe locked himself up in a dark closet one too many times and became an habitual pleaser of adults, game for anything. This may explain his career and penchant for anything goes-type characters. "When I give over to somebody's vision rather than have an idea of what I need to do, it takes me to places I wouldn't have got to by myself. I'm always attracted to a strong director,” Dafoe offered.
Who is Willem Dafoe? He’s said of his choice of roles, "Yes, I am game. I've always been game – maybe to a fault." He’s a professional who knows how to keep his wits while he’s losing it onscreen. He’s a dad. A husband. And he likes to giggle.
There’s really no way to lead into this story. It's just one of those things that exists independent of context. Here’s the excerpt from von Trier’s discussing Dafoe’s problematic member during the filming of Antichrist with Boston Phoenix film editor Peter Keogh:
PK: William Dafoe, and I think you’ve mentioned this in another interview, is probably the worst therapist in the history of movies. How would you advise him to treat the Charlotte Gainsbourgh character, and what does he do wrong?
Lars Von Trier: Yeah, first of all, I have been undergoing this cognitive therapy for three years, and it’s I think it’s quite typical for me to be sarcastic. You can say that one of the main ideas behind any treatment of this also is that a fear is a thought, and, you know, it doesn’t change reality. You can say in the film it’s changed reality. All that was kind of what you could read up about the film. I wouldn’t let him treat her in any other way than with his d*ck, he has an enormous d*ck, but that maybe I took also... he’s extremely well-equipped. And we had to kind of take the scenes out of the film, we had a stand-in for him, we had to take the scenes out with his own d*ck.
PK: Hold on - You had a stand-in d*ck? You had to have a stand in d*ck for Dafoe?
LV: Yes, yes, we had to have, because Will’s own was too big.
PK: Too big to fit in the screen?
LV: (laughs) No, too big because everybody got very confused when they saw it.
While this is totally a thing that happened, Dafoe defended his expulsion in a conversation with the Mirror. Dafoe contended, "It wasn't really pornographic. It was just a film about oddballs, including nudists. I was just a young boy in Wisconsin – anything to get out of there.”
It was one of those "art" films then (but it would still probably be sold in the back section of the video store, if video stores were still a thing).
If you believe Dafoe’s account, his five sisters taught him about sex at the age of six. “It was a sexual education, because my sisters were the horniest little girls. They would tell me stuff that, when I was small, I didn't want to hear. I remember one of my sisters talking about fellatio and cunnilingus when I was six years old. I said, ‘Only dirty people do that, right?’ She just laughed. When I told my friends what I knew about the birds and bees, they beat me up because they found it so disgusting.”
You really can't help but think of Dafoe as the kind of guy who says things like "the horniest little girls" when talking about his sisters. Now you know that suspicion was valid.
Willem Dafoe once voiced a cartoon polar bear. On purpose. Now, it’s not like this was back in the day when a young Willy needed some scratch to round out the rent money. The campaign began in 2011. So it’s strange, then, that Dafoe bristled at the mere mention of his voiceover as Clarence the Polar Bear in ads for Birds Eye.
“This is the last thing I want to talk about," he icily told an Independent reporter. Too bad, the ads are delightfully creepy.