12 Mammals That Have The Most Bizarre Sex
Of all the things you learned as a child either in biology class or on the Discovery Channel, you probably never knew much about the numerous mammals that have sex in unusual ways. Thanks to evolution and the brain's dirty subconscious, mammals copulate in all sorts of ways that, if described out of context, sound like lies someone told you on 4chan. Some mate like crazy and then die afterwards, while others go through violent clashes in order to prove their worthiness to their chosen one. In many cases, urine and feces act as an important part of their weird mammal sex, which gets kinkier than most humans ever even dream of. Animals use toys too, you know.
As voyeuristic as you might think humans are, imagine an entire herd of elephants turning a couple's mating ritual into a group event. Animal spectators aside, these strange mammal sex facts will make you pay more attention the next time you're at the zoo, either to avoid their deeds altogether or, if you're nasty, to catch it while it happens.
Male Koalas Bite Their Female Mates
Both male and female koalas make loud guttural noises in order to attract each other. However, before the mating ritual can begin, the male first needs to make sure that the female is ready. He does this by biting her repeatedly on the neck, because everyone finds vampires sexy. Once the female approves of his vocal calls and bites, the mating takes place and usually finishes quickly - two minutes on average. Unfortunately, since Chlamydia is known to exist among some koala populations, mating doesn't always mean that a baby koala will be born.
Male Giraffes Drink Their Partner's UrinePhoto: James F Clay / flickr / CC-BY-NC 2.0
Giraffes practice an odd mating ritual, one you might think was only reserved for kinky humans. When female giraffes ovulate, they give off hormones the males pick up on. Males then approach any females they think are "available." However, prior to mating, the females need to prove it is indeed time to copulate, so male giraffes will nudge the female's rear end, forcing her to release urine - which the males catch in their mouths and taste. If the female really likes the male, she will release an even larger amount of urine in order to attract him. After the waterworks preshow, the giraffes get to the main event.
Elephants Cause "Mating Pandemonium"Photo: Pauline Guilmot / flickr / CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0
Female elephants go into what is called "estrus" (basically ovulation) only once every four years. When ready to mate, she emits a bombastic noise that carries over the entire area, letting any nearby male elephants know she is down to tusk. Sometimes, male elephants fight over who gets to mate with the ready-and-willing female. While they fight, the female continues making noises to keep the boys' minds on the prize. Once a male wins the right to copulate with the female, all of the elephants in the herd surround them and make a lot of triumphant noise while they get busy. Hence, elephant pandemonium.
Dolphins Get Violent And Attempt To Mate With Other Species
Dolphins become rather violent prior to mating. The males will beat up each other and try to wear each other out, as the winner gets to mate with the female. Even if a female's not in the mood, male dolphins have been known to be a little rough on females that aren't interested in mating. Not only do dolphins get frisky-finned with each other in order to reproduce, they also do it for pleasure and social rituals. Many of the kinkier dolphins will even pursue other species, including humans, for their sexual exploits.
The Male Hippopotamus Flings Dung All AroundPhoto: Paul!!! / flickr / CC-BY-ND 2.0
The throes of a hippopotamus relationship comes with no bullsh*t, only their own sh*t. In order to signal he's ready to mate, a male hippo will spray feces all over the area, even spinning in a circle while defecating. The females respond in kind, leaving dung deposits nearby their chosen mates. As for the actual process of mating, well, that takes place in the water, where it's somewhat clean.
Male Porcupines Urinate On Their Chosen FemalesPhoto: Bryn Davies / flickr / CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0
The male porcupine attracts a potential mate by doing what every female dreams of: peeing on her. After she releases a musky scent to signify ovulation and ready to mate, the male porcupine will approach her and release a steady, forceful stream of urine aimed at her hindquarters. If she approves and accepts his offer, they'll get to poking each other - but if she isn't interested, she'll try to bit him. Even crazier, the stream of pee released by the male can travel up to six feet. Don't challenge them to a pissing contest.