Science 13 Studies Clearly Conducted to Get Women to Put Out More  

Joe Starr
196.2k views 13 items

At the end of the day, you can’t question science. After all, it explains why up is down, leads to medical breakthroughs, and unravels the greatest mystery of all: magnets, and how they work. But did you know that science also has a major focus on getting men laid? Time and time again, science is used for the benefit of all mankind’s boners. Researching this list shattered all of my preconceptions about scientists: the respectability, the comforting stoicism, and the lab coats, and has replaced it with the end credits of The Man Show.

This is a list of the health benefits of sex, semen and male sperm. Is sex scientifically proven to be good for your health? Yes. Yes, it is, according to these studies that were clearly conducted to get women to put out more. These doctors and scientists say that having more sexy-time can prevent cancer, diminish wrinkles and fine lines, increase life expectancy and well-being, cure migraines, incontinence, the common cold, and morning sickness. Sex is a miracle cure and it is free for the taking, ladies! What are the benefits of sex?

Having regular sexual intercourse has many physical, psychological, biological and social benefits for both men and women. But sometimes some ladies and gentlemen don't feel up for a rigorous sex regimen. Sometimes they are tired. Why don't women want to have sex all the time? Because they have migraines, a cold, or are feeling down and don't yet know that sex is actually a secret miracle cure for all of these ailments! So gather 'round, ladies stop your whining, and men arm yourself with this list of studies that prove sex is good for you.

Blowjobs Reduce Depression in Men AND Women, Says Study Women Will Ignore

Blowjobs Reduce Depression in ... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 13 Studies Clearly Conducted to Get Women to Put Out More
Photo: via Reddit

Good news for men (and women too, I guess)! A 2015 NYU study showed that giving dudes a little oral action is actually good for both men and women, at least when it comes to depression. The catch? The ladies have to swallow.

The study asked 293 female college students about their sex lives, and compared their responses with surveys about depression. They found that women who had sex without condoms (and were therefore exposed to semen) were less depressed than those who abstained from sex or who had sex using condoms.

So why blowjobs and not plain ol' missionary? Since vaginal sex can give women anxiety about getting pregnant, it may just be easier and safer to get your daily dose of semen orally. Oh, and the study also found that semen can increase a woman's ability to concentrate. Do with that what you will.

Doctors Say Looking at Well Endowed Women for 10 Minutes a Day Is Good for Your Health

Doctors Say Looking at Well En... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 13 Studies Clearly Conducted to Get Women to Put Out More
Photo: via Pinterest

A German study, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, concludes that staring at women's t-shirt stretchers for a few minutes daily is better for your health than going to the gym.

"Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr Karen Weatherby, an expert on ageing.

See guys, not all news from Germany is terrible!

Completely ignoring the logic that if this were true, men would never get sick or die ever, this study insists that men who were told to stare at bosoms daily (they had to be told?) had lower blood pressure and slower resting pulse rates and also decreased their risk of coronary artery disease. Thank god I know this, because I was scared I was going to have to jog or squat or move or something.

It’s worth noting that the research team spent five years working on this discovery. Five years of staring at funbags, no doubt funded by some sort of grant: It’s a project that Peter Venkman could only dream of.

Apparently there are also some specific time and size correlations: men over 40 should spend at least ten minutes daily admiring heaven-sacks sized D-cup or larger.

(Read more)

Regularly Massaging Breasts Could Prevent Cancer, Says Best Study Ever

Regularly Massaging Breasts Co... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 13 Studies Clearly Conducted to Get Women to Put Out More
Photo: via Imgur

Laboratory experiments show that applying physical pressure to malignant breast cells guides them back to a normal growth pattern, preventing them from triggering cancer.

I feel blessed we’ve come to live in a time when the most important guy in the hospital is the one in the Female Body Inspector t-shirt.

While scientists don’t expect to fight breast cancer with compression bras (who needs bras when I’ve got two hands amIrightbros? High fives!), they do believe this research provides clues that could lead to new treatments- Treatments that could lead to exciting new love-melon squeezing jobs in the medical industry.

Guys, can you believe it? Normally this kind of stuff gets us into a lot of trouble, but if science has its way, you’re no longer an aggressive and unwanted borderline sexual predator: you’re a certified jello-mold hero.


Swallowing Semen May Reduce a Woman's Risk of Developing a Dangerous Condition

Swallowing Semen May Reduce a ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 13 Studies Clearly Conducted to Get Women to Put Out More
Photo: via Imgur

Several studies have investigated the decrease of pre-eclampsia incidents in women who have unprotected sex with their partners and in women who regularly perform oral sex. Dutch researchers, who clearly have their priorities straight, concluded that oral exposure of and gastrointestinal absorption of man-juice establishes the immunological tolerance necessary for a safe and successful pregnancy.

The Dutch really seem to have their mouth around a solution to pre-eclampsia. Holding for applause.

Seriously, there’s nothing in nature stronger than a mother’s instinct to protect her child, and it’s about time we warped and twisted that beautiful bond to get more blowjobs. If you won’t do it for me, my love…Do it for our unborn son. Don’t spit away his future.

(See for yourself here)