"Sugaring" is a paid arrangement between two consenting adults - typically a younger woman and an older man - which includes an agreed upon number of hours or days spent in one another's company. Many of these relationships begin by using a niche dating site geared specifically for this purpose. While such arrangements almost always include intimate contact, some individuals on the arrangement also seek out the "girlfriend experience," which can include just hanging out together, having someone to talk to, or serving as a dining and travel companion. Sugar babies set the rules and payment, and often are the recipients of free accommodation, shopping sprees, spa treatments, and much more.
True sugar stories are not always what one might expect, though. When sugar babies talk about their lifestyle, it's clear the experiences are a mixed bag. Ideally, it's a win-win situation for both individuals involved, but there are many less than desirable scenarios and date stories from real-life sugar babies.
It's Just Like Any Other (Challenging) Job
I was one on and off for years. Like any job, it's a mixed bag. Like any job, it gets old after a while. The big difference between it and a 'straight' job is that you control everything, which also means that all the risks are on you to mitigate to the best of your ability. You pick who to meet and make an arrangement with, you set your hours, you get cash to do with as you please. That might all sound great, but it can be horrible if you don't have excellent street smarts and intuition. You HAVE to be hyper aware to do it safely. You will be alone with men who you don't know well, who feel like you owe them something (because you do if you want to get paid. This job is 100% paid companionship INCLUDING [intimacy] in almost all cases).
There's also some myth that sex work is unskilled. It's definitely not. Being a sugar baby takes a lot of natural and learned social abilities. You have to be able to play girlfriend to a wide variety of men, not to mention have some... abilities worth paying for. It's actually a pretty challenging job. 90% of it is being able to talk about anything, while making him feel like the center and king of your universe for those hours every week. That's not easy with someone who you would never probably date for free. It requires a lot of patience and intuitive people skills to do that every single week for a long time.
That being said, it came very naturally to me and I never ended up in a bad situation. I enjoyed it while I enjoyed it, then I quit. Knowing when to get out and having a plan to do so is another important factor in being [this kind of] worker.
The Online Girlfriend Experience
From Redditor u/omcthrowingaway:
I did online arrangements similar to Sugaring in college. I exclusively offered 'Online Girlfriend Experiences' where a person would pay me to act like his girlfriend online, including sexing, but without my face in any photos.
While I don't want to do it again, it was probably one of my favorite jobs. The money was fantastic and I had complete control over whoever I worked with. If they were being rude, I could end the arrangement.
Despite a hard rule of not showing my face and other safety measures, a lot of guys would open up to me, tell me about their life, and send nonsexual pictures of themselves. My average client was generally only slightly overweight, in their later 20s to early 30s, average looking, and a little socially awkward. There's a misconception that only men who are very unattractive or old pay for these things. I had my fair share of men who were divorced, married, and/or conventionally good looking. Generally, they were either too busy or too shy to maintain a real relationship. Most men were just lonely.
Most of my clients were very kind and interested in getting to know me and my personality. As someone else stated, sex work isn't unskilled...
Of course, you occasionally have the bad eggs. One of the creepiest men I worked with was a very good looking married man with young children. He also liked to send me nonsexual pictures of his wife behind her back at the grocery store, driving, etc. Basically, he got off on talking to me while spending time with his wife. Eventually, this creeped me out enough to end it.
Be Careful Who You Meet
From Redditor u/love_lavender:
I met men up with a few men on Sugardaddie.com. First off, stay away from this site. There are nothing but creepy, lying weirdos on there...
The second guy I had met was from San Francisco and didn't post his pictures on his profile. We chatted a lot on the phone and texted each other frequently. He wasn't very good looking. Shorter than me (I'm 5 foot 9 inches) and looked like Nick from that 1980's sitcom 'Cheers!'. He was also missing a front tooth. He told me he had just gotten divorced so he wasn't looking for a relationship yet. He gave me a pseudonym. When I figured it out and asked about it, he gave me this long-winded, weird reason why he used it. I got an uneasy feeling, but dismissed it.
He really seemed like an okay guy. He showed interest in me, allowed me to use his address to look for a job in SF, he showed concern about my well-being too. He even offered to send me some money when I told him I was broke.
He wanted to meet up in Nashville - I canceled. He wanted to meet up in San Diego - he canceled last minute saying his mom had breast cancer. We kept in touch and he kept offering me to fly me to SF to be with him. Finally, I flew to SF on my own. We had dinner and alcohol. He came across as sort of passive-aggressive. He kept telling our waiter to tell another table to stop being so loud. He had to fly to NYC while I was there, but he kept wanting me to come over, take me to the Four Seasons, he was constantly angling for sex, but I just didn't feel comfortable.
After I got home, he offered to rent me an apartment close to him in SF. He even CC'd me on the email to the landlord. HE bought me airline ticket to come to SF and start my new life. I ended up chickening out.
We chatted a bit after that, but he never responded to an email and text I sent to him. I took the hint. That was it.
Fast forward to a year or so later... I get back on Sugardaddie and there is his profile. He had shaved 5 years off his age and this time he had pictures. Here's where it gets more interesting. I Googled him and found a short bio of him on his new company's website. It said that he was married to his opera singer wife (the one he said he had divorced) and they had homes in Sonoma, CA and SF. I looked at his Instagram pictures and there they are having dinner, site seeing in Paris, kissing and hugging.
I just looked him up on that website. HE IS STILL ON THERE. His recently activity was yesterday. His wife has no clue. Who knows what would have happened if I moved to be with him. He's definitely a liar and who knows what else.
If you want an experience, then this will give you one. Just remember, it is a REALLY BIG RISK and something bad can happen. I recommend making your own money and staying safe."
Sugaring Can Be A Win-Win
From Redditor u/handshoes101:
Former sugar baby here!
It's something I did for a few months, and it was a great way to help me out of a difficult financial situation.
To start off, before any sugar relationship starts, there is usually a platonic meet and greet over coffee/dinner/drinks so both parties can see if they actually like each other. Out of every 3 meet and greets I went to I probably only saw 1 again. There's no sex and usually no money is exchanged (although I have been given money at meet and greets a few times). Sometimes you will also discuss allowance at the meet and greet, but you can also do this before or after.
Allowance is always agreed upon before any actual dates, and it can either be a monthly or weekly amount, or pay per meet (PPM). I used to always do PPM.
Once that's all established, you start having dates with your sugar daddy. These can be anything from hotel meetups for just sex, to going to an art show, dinner, and drinks, before heading back to his place for sex. It's never said out loud but sex is absolutely expected.
In my experience, most guys who are sugar daddies are very busy business men who don't have the time or energy to sustain a real relationship. The money ensures that everything will go smoothly, and they still get a genuine (or what I make seem to be genuine) emotional, fun, and intimate experience.
I enjoyed sugaring when I did it, because it was a good way for me to make money, while still being in control of who I spent time with.
My regular rate was 500€ per date. For one sugar daddy that I really liked, I went down to 350€ because he wasn't super rich, and that's a more average number for my location (Berlin, Germany). I know that in some places in America the average per date can be as low as $200 or as high as $600. But even the local average isn't the best guide for choosing a number, because it depends on what you value yourself at, what you're comfortable with, what the daddy values you at, and what he can afford.
Also, monthly allowances are quite common, but I don't have any personal experience with those. They depend on the same factors though, along with how many times you meet per month."