- 11627 VOTES
Vicious Motorist Ends Up Taking A Bath
From Redditor u/Tighamachair
I deliver home heating oil in a very rural and mostly flat part of the UK. In my delivery area there are many large drainage channels or “dykes” in the local lingo. The roads are often very narrow and single track and frequently run alongside these dykes separated only by a narrow grass verge. No safety barrier.
Anyhoo, this one day in the depths of winter it was below freezing, there had been a light spattering of snow and there was a thin scum of ice on the water in the dyke. I had just finished doing a customers delivery and was winding in the hose prior to collecting payment and departing. My truck was completely blocking the road as there was nowhere for me to pull it off the road. We are limited by the length of delivery hose, blocking the road is common and legally acceptable as long as we work quickly and safely.
So...... I was just waiting for the customer to finish writing the cheque for their oil when this large Mercedes car pulls up behind my truck and the driver immediately starts leaning on the horn and shouting and swearing and shouting at me to ‘move that f**king truck out of the way, NOW!’
My usual response when faced with similar behaviour is to blank the swearer and pretend they don’t exist. Being 6’3” and 285lbs helps keep most people at bay!
I ignored Mr Shouty man and finished up with my customer. The customer said to me “ Ignore him, he’s well known in the village for being a bit of a dick!” I said Goodbye and got into my truck.
As I was putting away my paperwork prior to driving off , I happened to glance on the drivers side mirror ( the same side of the truck as the dyke) and saw Mr Shouty Man storming up the side of the truck with a tyre iron in his hand! “Oh Sh*t! “ thinks I and immediately hit the central locking button locking myself in the cab. Next thing I know Mr Shouty Man has climbed up onto the step, is hanging off the mirror arm with one hand and brandishing the tyre iron with the other all the while shouting “Open this door you four-eyed c**t!!” (I wear spectacles for driving! Oh the wit of the man! Lol)
Cue Malicious compliance......
He told me to open the door.......
So I did........but, as I did so I kicked it open. He lost his grip on the mirror arm and was flung backwards into the dyke up to his chest in freezing cold, filthy water!
I calmly started my engine and drive off! As I left I looked in the mirror to see this guy floundering around chest deep in the icy water, dressed in a business suit!
I called the customer who had witnessed everything and happily they said that they would give a statement to whoever needed one confirming I acted in self defence. Then I made a fairly difficult call to my boss and told him what had happened and he said ‘I’ll await his call with interest!’ No bollocking , nothing! When I got back to the yard that evening I asked my boss what had happened and apparently no call of complaint was made that day or ever!Funny?
- 21958 VOTES
Ask A Bartender For Bigger Glasses And You Get Bigger Glasses
From Redditor u/wworrall
My parents and I were on vacation a few years back, and hanging out at the Hotel bar. This place was one of those places that was cheap, but everyone who stayed there thought they were better than everyone else. A couple (Male & Female) walked in talking about how "Nice and quaint" the bar looked. They sat down at the table next to us. You were supposed to order your drinks at the bar, then sit down. But since it was a slow night the bartender walked over, and served them.
Bartender - Hi, what can i get you?
Male - What wines do you have tonight?
Bartender - (Reads off wine list)
Female - Ooo, a Rose wine would be just perfect.
Male - Make it two.
Bartender - Sure that'll be $15
Male - We're going to open a tab.
Bartender - Unfortunately we don't do tabs here, you have to either charge it to your room, or pay cash.
He throws his room card on the table.
Male - Ugh, Fine. Charge it to that.
They laugh as bartender grabs the card, and heads back to the bar. Bartender pours their drinks, and brings them back over. The first thing they did was hold up the glasses.
Female - Hmm, these are rather small, do you have any bigger glasses?
Bartender - Unfortunately those are the standard glasses.
Male - Really? We're paying $7.50 a glass, and you're going to get chinsy on us? Surely you have bigger glasses, come on.
Bartender (clearly annoyed) - Ok, I'll go check.
He went to the bar, and came back out with two glasses that I think were supposed to be for margaritas, but were atleast twice the size as the wine glasses. He held them up for them.
Bartender - How are these?
Female - Oh, those are perfect.
Male - Yes, thank you.
So bartender puts the bigger glasses on their table, then takes the smaller glasses and dumps them into the bigger glasses.
Bartender - is there anything else I can help you with?
They didn't say anything, just sat there dumbfounded.
Bartender - Great.
My parents and I start losing it. We tried not to laugh, but we were all a bit inebriated I guess. Bartender looked over at us and smiled. My Dad gave him an extra $10 tip and said "Thanks for the laughs" Don't f*ck with the people who serve your drinks lolFunny?
- 32217 VOTES
Bank Teller Is Forced To Greet Customers, And It's Terrifying
From Redditor u/apocolypseamy
I worked as a bank teller. The other tellers were all female. Our Sales & Service Manager expected us to greet customers warmly the second they entered... from across the bank.
"Helloooo thereeee!" "Hiiii!! Welcome to US Bank!"
It was even turned into a competition- when he heard/noticed tellers greeting customers he gave them a 'point' on his tally
My greeting strategy was to wait for initial eye contact after they entered the building and began approaching my window, then say "hello!" in a friendly way, and give a polite little head nod and smile.
This was apparently unsatisfactory. I was talked to because I wasn't bubbly enough. It was pointed out to me how well the other tellers were greeting people walking in, how many 'points' they all had accumulated, and I was told I needed to be more like my female co-workers.
This sounded great in theory, but I am a 6'4" 290lb male and I knew it would be easy to show them the error of their ways.
The next person entering the bank received a bellowing sing-songy "HIIII THEREEEE!!! WELCOME TO US BANKKK" from 60ft away, with a dozen people in between.
To say it startled the sh*t out of everyone in the bank would be an understatement.
I was informed my polite "hello!" & nod would be fine going forward.Funny?
- 42229 VOTES
"Give The Kid Whatever He Wants" - Careful What You Wish For
From Redditor u/PenNameNeeded
Working at a country club, being paid almost nothing by hour but having 10% of the clients bill given to me, unless they said they weren't paying it. So despite the absurd workload, I took it.
Let me say that this people were loaded, some of the wealthiest folk in the city, spending almost all day eating and drinking while their children would run around or play in the pools. Despite the money the large majority were nice, really respectfull folk, specially the older ones.
One fateful sunny saturday this man comes with his family, let's call him Joe. Joe sits down in the same table as a lot of my regular saturday clients were, a group of older gentleman who ordered beer after beer, and lots of special orders from the kitchen.
Me: "Good day sir, may I take your order?"
Joe: "Sure, bring me a brand X beer, and some ice cream for the kid"
Joe's kid was a young boy around 9 called Billy, who I had seem around the club but never talked to. Joe's wife was Carmen, who just nodded to the husband request, and off I went.
Over the course of the next hour or so, everytime Billy saw me near him, he would just ask me for another ice cream, or a soda, etc. Due to the club's rules I had to go directly to Joe and ask for him to authorize the boy's request. I was only doing my job, and everyone at the table knew that, using my arrival as an excuse to order more drinks. Joe however was getting pretty angry, and around the 8th time I arrived to talk he grabbed me by the arm.
Joe: "I'm trying to have a conversation here, what's the deal now?"
Old man: "He's just doing his job Joe, leave the kid"
Me: "Your son wants..."
Joe: "Listen, just give him whatever he asks you to get okay? Just don't bother me again!"
I look around the take, fuming as Joe let go of me, and see the old man winked at me. Cue malicious compliance.
For the rest of the day, whenever the boy asked for anything I would just give it to him and charge Joe's account. It didn't took long for Billy to realise I wasn't going to his dad and his requests became to escalate. What started as a simple ice cream was now being portions and more portions of loaded fries, sodas and probably more sugar than any kid should eat.
It was already night when Carmen came to me, asking to close their bill. It was monstruous. Joe tried to argue with me and request for the manager, but the rest of the table reminded him of his demand to me.
He was forced by the manager to pay, since there were multiple witness to his orders, and Carmen made him upgrade my share to 15% of their bill "as an apology".
Needless to say, he never treated me rudely again, and the old guys never let him forget that story.Funny?