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The Funniest Teacher Jokes

Updated March 2, 2020 11.7k votes 3.7k voters 72.3k views25 items

List RulesVote up any funny jokes about teaching or teachers.

Students and teachers alike will laugh at this list of teacher jokes, puns, and one-liners until they have to stay after the bell. Sharpen up your number 2 pencils, write your name on your Scantrons, and get ready for this hilarious list of jokes about teachers.

If there’s one thing that we wish school had less of, it’s teachers. Well, we guess it would actually be homework, and then teachers - but you get it. In order to put them in their place, we created this list of jokes and silliness about teacher stereotypes, foibles, and idiosyncrasies.

If you’re a teacher, we hope these jokes don’t hurt your feelings. After all, we’re just joshing. Those of us that have to put up with all your rules and homework need something to cut loose. We’re sure you can sympathize, and we know that you’ll have as much fun as the students when you read these funny teacher jokes. And if not, please don’t send us to the principal. We’re too pretty to survive in juvie.

Vote up your favorite jokes about teachers in the gut-busting list below. After you are finished, head on over and vote on the funniest jokes for teens!

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  • What's the Difference Between a Teacher and a Train?1
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    What's the Difference Between a Teacher and a Train?

    The teacher says "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Chew, chew!"
  • Why Did the Music Teacher Need a Ladder?2
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    385

    Why Did the Music Teacher Need a Ladder?

    To reach the high notes!
  • What Do You Say to Comfort a Grammar Teacher?3
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    What Do You Say to Comfort a Grammar Teacher?

    "They're, there, their."
  • Why Do Teachers Fart in Class?4
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    Why Do Teachers Fart in Class?

    Because they're not private tooters.
  • What's a Teacher's Favorite Nation?5
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    What's a Teacher's Favorite Nation?

    Expla-nation. 

  • Why Did the Teacher Write on the Window?6
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    Why Did the Teacher Write on the Window?

    Because the the lesson needed to be clear.
  • How Is a Teacher like a Judge?7
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    How Is a Teacher like a Judge?

    They both give out sentences.
  • What Do You Call a Teacher Without Students?8
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    What Do You Call a Teacher Without Students?

    Happy.
  • What's a Math Teacher's Favorite Sum?9
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    What's a Math Teacher's Favorite Sum?

    Summer!
  • Why Was the Cross-Eyed Teacher Fired?10
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    Why Was the Cross-Eyed Teacher Fired?

    Because they couldn't control their pupils.
  • Time Is a Great Teacher...11
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    Time Is a Great Teacher...

    Unfortunately it kills all its students.
  • Why Did the Teacher Marry the Janitor?12
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    Why Did the Teacher Marry the Janitor?

    Because he swept her off her feet! 
  • Why Did the Teacher Wear Sunglasses in Class?13
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    Why Did the Teacher Wear Sunglasses in Class?

    Because the class was so bright.
  • What Do You Get When You Cross a Teacher and a Vampire?14
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    What Do You Get When You Cross a Teacher and a Vampire?

    Lots of blood tests.
  • Where Does a Math Teacher Eat Dinner?15
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    Where Does a Math Teacher Eat Dinner?

    At a multiplication table!
  • What Kind of Food Do Math Teachers Eat?16
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    What Kind of Food Do Math Teachers Eat?

    Square meals.
  • Why Wasn't the Geometry Teacher at School?17
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    Why Wasn't the Geometry Teacher at School?

    Because they sprained their angle!
  • What Do You Call a Music Teacher with Problems?18
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    What Do You Call a Music Teacher with Problems?

    A very trebled man. 
  • Why Did the Teacher Jump into a Lake?19
    81
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    Why Did the Teacher Jump into a Lake?

    To test the waters!
  • What's the Difference Between a Teacher and a Large Pizza?20
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    What's the Difference Between a Teacher and a Large Pizza?

    A large pizza can feed a family of four.

  • What Does a Math Teacher Do about Constipation?21
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    What Does a Math Teacher Do about Constipation?

    He works it out with a pencil.
  • How Does a Math Professor Propose to His Fiance?22
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    How Does a Math Professor Propose to His Fiance?

    With a polynomial ring! 
  • Why Do Chemistry Professors Enjoy Teaching about Ammonia?23
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    Why Do Chemistry Professors Enjoy Teaching about Ammonia?

    Because it's basic material. 
  • Where Do Door Knockers Get Educated?24
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    Where Do Door Knockers Get Educated?

    The school of hard knocks.
  • What Kind of Tests Do Witches Take?25
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    142

    What Kind of Tests Do Witches Take?

    Hex-aminations.