We’ve all had horrendous, no good, toxic roommates. But none of us have had the distinct pleasure of living with one of the most reviled presidential candidates in recent history, Ted Cruz. Well, that is unless you’re Craig Mazin, screenwriter for such projects as the second and third Hangover films, and a bunch of other stuff that made all the money. He was Cruz’s roommate when they attended Princeton, and he genuinely seems worse for the wear. Recently, Mazin went on a Twitter tirade against Cruz, letting his thirty thousand plus followers into the nightmare that was living with the future Junior Senator from Texas. On this list we’ve collected the funniest burns dished out by Mazin at Cruz’s expense.
As strange as Cruz comes off in interviews and the leaked footage from his promotional campaign video, he must have been a hundred times weirder during his first year in college. Admittedly, no one is cool when they’re 18 or 19, but Ted Cruz is so gross that we can’t help but cheer as Mazin dishes out delicious tweets at the Presidential hopeful’s expense. Whether Mazin is waxing philosophic about Cruz’s favorite ice cream flavor, or simply mentioning how punchable the Republican candidate’s face is, his way with words is sure to pull a belly laugh out of you. Get the aloe vera, because this is going to burn.Leave us a comment about your favorite Ted Cruz burn, and then tell us about how you think your roommate is clandestinely eating your peanut butter from the fridge.
On the Ted Cruz Sex Scandal
Many are asking, "If the rumors are true, how could these women sleep with Ted Cruz?" Well, women are people, and people are mostly stupid.— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) March 25, 2016
Someone Get This Guy a Time Machine!
Getting emails blaming me for not smothering Ted Cruz in his sleep in 1988. What kind of monster do you think I am? A really prescient one?— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 15, 2016
That's One Way to Get Reimbursed for College Tuition
I'm starting to feel like the U.S. should pay me reparations for my freshman year. The Brutalism of Ted Cruz - https://t.co/rUuCuAnPdH— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 12, 2016
Ted Cruz Sounds Like the Worst Roommate Since Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female
Don't you hate it when you wake up and read about your jerk freshman year roommate running for President? We've all been there, right?— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) March 23, 2015