For all of their bluster and fantastic costumes, Marvel villains are pretty dumb. You can argue all you want that it takes a lot of work to become second-in-command of Stark Industries, or that Norse Gods are inherently super-intelligent, but when you see these insane MCU villain plots in text form, you’ll not only rethink your allegiance to HYDRA, but you’ll wonder whether or not Marvel villains are even good at their jobs.
You don’t have to look hard to see convoluted Marvel movie villain plans. Just about every bad guy in the MCU has a plan that starts off normal before veering into dodgy territory that relies on pure happenstance. Even guys like Alexander Pierce (the bad guy from Captain America: The Winter Soldier), who seem like they do everything by the book, eventually give up on hard work and efficient planning to simply let the chips fall where they may. Maybe these guys get so full of themselves they think there’s no way they can fail, or maybe they’re just bad at their jobs. If you’re not sure whether or not your favorite MCU movie features a villain with a poorly planned scheme (spoiler alert: it does), keep reading to discover all the villain plans from Marvel movies that make no sense.
Russian baddie Emil Blonksy probably has the most purely comic book-y fixation of any villain in the MCU: he wants to be an evil version of the Hulk. His entire obsession with being "the Hulk, but like a meaner one" begins when he finds out that Bruce Banner, a wimp who doesn't like being the Hulk, was hit with gamma radiation and forced to be a the Hulk by circumstance. As soon as Blonsky discovers that there's leftover science juice from a World War II-era super soldier program, he begs to get shot up so he can be a big strong man who fights the Hulk.
First of all, congratulations are in order for Blonsky, who managed to work his way up from common Russian tough guy to "Senior Hulk Fighter for the American Government," or whatever his official title was. That took a lot of hard work, and it could have ended up a million different ways. But more importantly, what are the odds General Ross would be cool with discussing the Captain America science juice with some guy he barely knows? And also, isn't it great the American science juice still works? It's a shame the science juice exacerbated Blonsky's jerky tendencies, but that's definitely not the worst-case scenario for shooting up a vague serum that hasn't seen the light of day since the early '40s.613516Stupid plan?
For a Marvel villain, Malekith really isn't asking for much. He simply wants to plunge the world into eternal darkness, and the only way he thinks he can do that is by binding himself to something called Aether, which is actually one of the Infinity Stones. He almost accomplished his goal a millennia ago, but when that didn't work out he decided to put himself in stasis until he could find the Aether and use it to destroy everything.
So, Malekith, why are you putting yourself to sleep on the off-chance someone else is going to find an Infinity Stone for you? What if no one ever found the Aether? You would be asleep forever.525657Stupid plan?
Ronan is a classic Marvel Cinematic Universe beta villain. He has a fairly simple goal: get a magic orb from Peter Quill and give it to Thanos. That's literally all he has to do, and he's set. But instead he decides to double cross Thanos, keep the orb, and destroy Xandar on his own. Okay? It honestly seems like a spur of the moment decision that devolves into what has to be a stress dream for anyone who works for Ronan. Never mind that Ronan is all gung-ho to fight Thanos (one of the most powerful beings in the Marvel universe), but he also seems very certain that no one is going to try to stop him from destroying Xandar.
His entire plan for destroying Xandar is built around the idea that no one is going to stop him. It's not like he doesn't understand that the galaxy has guardians who protect people from that kind of thing, it's just that he doesn't seem to be able to think outside of the box when it comes to destroying a planet or defending a network of ships. If you need any more proof that Ronan is a terrible villain, he's defeated by a guy listening to headphones. Where's Dormamu when you need him?396751Stupid plan?
Look, all the Chitauri want to do is take over the universe with their Tesseract powered space lasers, but rather than just getting all space lasery on their own, the main part of their plan is waiting around on Loki to give them a magical science cube. It's almost like they'd rather not destroy the entire universe, and they want to sit around on their hands while they wait for the least trustworthy person in the universe to maybe get around to opening a portal to their part of the galaxy. When most of your plan is "wait around on Loki," you also have to take into consideration that he might run into Thor, then he might run into the rest of The Avengers, and then he might just not bother following through on his plans.
To add to the frustration of the Chitauri's "big plan" to cross their fingers and hope that Loki comes through on his end of the bargain, it turns out the wannabe alien invaders are friends with Thanos. Guys, why not just get Thanos to give you a bigger space laser or something? Or have him throw you through the Milky Way towards Earth, if travel was really such a big problem. You don't need Loki, and you probably don't need a magical space cube to do whatever it is you want to do. You're never going to be as good as you can be if you don't start doing things for yourself, the Chitauri.305598Stupid plan?