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The 10 Commandments of the Urinal

Colt45
Updated June 9, 2017 51.9k views10 items
Your mama may have told you to always wash your hands, but did she properly instruct you on the importance of bathroom border maintenance? How about strategic stall selection? Never fear, my commode compadre, for the 10 commandments of the urinal are here to help guide your way through the treacherous terrain of your local latrine.
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  • Thou Shall Not Bring Women
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    1

    Thou Shall Not Bring Women

    There is a thin line between the "Heman Woman Haters Club" and the Men's Room

    As men we only have so many places we can run to, to get away from our women. Don't be that guy who brings his girl over on poker night. And DON'T be that guy who is gettin' stank on his hang low in the stall.

    Plus smelling another man's s**t isn't a turn on for anybody.
  • Thou Shall Use Borders
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    2

    Thou Shall Use Borders

    Urinals with walls are a man's best friend. But no half inch piece of fake wood is going to replace a real wall so choose a urinal on the end.

    Like the test dividers in elementary school were protecting your test answers these dividers are protecting your pecker!

    Use them strategically.
  • Thou Shall Not Pull Down Pants To Piss
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    Thou Shall Not Pull Down Pants To Piss

    USE THE ZIPPER LUKE

    and only the zipper.

    Your pants have them for a reason. Nobody...NOBODY needs to see your ass while you piss.

    I see your ass while your standing there holdin' your dick and I'm going to kick you into the urinal.

    Why?

    BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT!
  • Thou Shall Not Speak
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    4

    Thou Shall Not Speak

    Samuel L. Jackson said it best in Pulp Fiction,

    "SHUT THE F**K UP"

    You do not talk to a man with your dick in your hand.

    Nor

    Do you talk to a man with his dick in his hand.
  • Thou Shall Not Break Tunnel Vision
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    Thou Shall Not Break Tunnel Vision

    Tunnel vision has a negative connotation to it. But in the Men's Room it is LAW

    When you creep up to a urinal you keep your hands and feet within the Piss Borders and your eyes forward. You may stray your gaze up or down but never, NEVER to the side.

    You deviate from the up, down or straight and your not straight anymore...knowwhatimsayin!
  • Thou Shall Respect The Buffer Zone
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    Thou Shall Respect The Buffer Zone

    The journey to the Men's Room is a fight for your man hood.

    You know damn well you don't want any within arms reach of your twig and berries, especially when you have it out.

    So skip a urinal or two or three or hell try to use the one on the other side of the room. The more room the better.

    If none of this can be done, you do not go with the open urinal you dirty son of a bitch. Be a man and leave my dick bubble alone and use a stall or wait your turn.