As gamers, we really ARE unaware of how hideous some of our heroes are. I mean, if you took some of them into reality and thought about what they would really look like, smell like and feel like, you'd find it difficult not to lose your lunch over their bright happy faces. In honor of these heroes, here are the downright raunchiest faces in gaming that aren't villains, but beloved heroes (or at least protagonists.)
By the way, it's just the ones you play as for now. No NPCs, villains or supporting characters because that would be just too damned easy.Check out Ranker's other lists like the Most Disgusting Movies of all Time.
You know, it would take a lot to actually remain mostly human and end up on a list like this.
Boogerman actually fits the bill. I couldn't find any pictures of a Boogerman cosplayer so you're going to have deal with your imagination on this one.
Way worse than just the visual of an overweight homeless pedophile wearing form fitting spandex is the way Boogerman must smell.
Throughout the game that made him, well, not exactly famous, let's just say... known, he farts, belches and flicks his nose goblins at the various, uh, goblins he encounters. Sure, in the realm of "booger land" he's in, this might all be normal, and he even might be tolerable there.
But in the real world you'd be dealing with a man who has gut-busting B.O., doesn't mind releasing awful ass gas in your direction, and creates belches that would put Eudora Welty to shame.
Plus consider this. Most of his adventures probably all take place in his diseased mind, and he's probably hallucinating everything in his game - like a sort of uber filthy version of The Maxx, but without the caveat of a trans-dimensional wizard. So, not only would you likely have to re-swallow your breakfast as it tries to escape you if he entered the room, you'd also be dealing with a deranged maniac.What a great hero for the kids! Thanks Sega!
Super Meat Boy is an amazing game. The superb level design. The brutal difficulty. The hilarious cut-scenes. The cameos and bonuses... It's a pure joy to play.
Meat Boy himself though - he's horrifying.
He's a short (I think) humanoid, who I assume may have actually been a human boy. He has no skin, and bleeds EVERYWHERE HE GOES. To make matters even the slightest bit worse on an appearance scale he lost one of his teeth when the title screen hit him in the face, and one of his eyes is probably gone too. Just imagine a twelve year old boy running around your house without skin, grinning maniacally everywhere, and you have pictured what Meat Boy would look like on our plane of reality.
Hell if you watch the attached fan video, even though it keeps his cartoonish appearance, he's still fairly disgusting.
But it's that "skinless kid" version that's nightmarish. I'm not the only one to envision this, Magic the Gathering artist Dave Rapoza created this image for the game's PC cover:
Yeah, the whole cast of characters in the game is pretty awful actually.
Then there's the horror of his existence. Unlike most platformers, where the deaths of your guy aren't dwelled upon or really taken account of, in SMB, you actually get to go to hell, and discover the many dead versions of yourself in the pit of the dark lord Beezlebub. They even form into a giant dead body boss in order to stop you!
This means that maybe Meat Boy has powers similar to Mr. Immortal of the Great Lakes Avengers. That his entire life is a series of awful, painful deaths which he'll never be able to escape from.Wow. That's just . . . yipes.
Ever have to dissect an earthworm in biology class? I did. And boy howdy did that leave an impression on me. The impression mainly consisted of "Earthworms are nauseating".
So then you have Earthworm Jim, a funny cartoon worm, grown to a gigantic size, and massive intelligence (well for an worm at least).
OK. Not so bad really.
Here's what a giant Earthworm ACTUALLY looks like:
Now make that even larger, and envision the pulsing, throbbing nature of an earthworm. Then toss on some very large human eyeballs disproportionate to the size of the very large worm and a human mouth full of teeth equally as disproportionate.
I can only go ahead and sa- bluughhhh!!
Oh, and in the sequel, he carries a backpack jammed to the brim with living snot that has a pair of eyeballs floating in the gelatinous mass.Speaking of mucous . . .
Stubbs The Zombie
Have you ever actually seen a dead body? In all liklihood, you haven't. Or if you have, you've seen one in a casket, all dressed nicely and treated by a mortician to not be that disturbing. This is a good thing, because if you've ever actually sees a rotting corpse in your vicinity, you know that it's one of the easiest ways to start your path to bulimia.
So I knew a dead guy probably should be on the list, and started thinking of videogame dead guys who you play as. There are actually quite a few. Spinal from Killer Instinct, Chakan the Forever Man, The Nameless One from Planescape Torment. Not to mention the plethora of vampires to choose from.
But the thing is, none of these dudes are recently dead, they're all mummified or preserved, or if not, just bones. In both cases, this is the nicest way to view a carcass.
But then there are zombies! Always in the perfect, most disgusting state of decay, these nasties have recently taken over the world . . . of the media anyway.
And there's really only one zombie that's notably playable: Stubbs!
I don't think he really needs too much justification. Just try to ignore all of the zombie films you've seen. Try to forget that you own the Zombie Survival Guide. Just try to imagine an encounter with a real zombie. Especially on whose guts are hanging out, but is still shambling toward you unstoppably.Huuuuuuuuuuaghh!