READ The 10 Ways to Cry Like a Man  

Ian Tindell
17.3k views 10 items
Are you a man? Are you experiencing emotions that are tough and alien to you? Emotions that make you want to cry? Are you worried that if you allow the tears to flow that you'll lose your card to Mandom? Well, fear no longer men because crying is OK. As long as you cry like a man. Here's how you do it.

The Stoic Single Tear

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Video: YouTube

This particular method of crying is best used for public situations that become very emotional. Examples of this include: the death of a family member, the death of a beloved pet, and spilling your beer at the hockey game. The hurt may be welling up inside of you but you're a man and you're only going to let it show by putting on a rock hard face and allowing the flow of a single tear.

This is also known as The Will Smith Cry as evidenced by his employment of this in a unique situation (being homeless and trying to provide for his son) at 04:00 in the attached clip.
The Retreat to the Other Room ... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The 10 Ways to Cry Like a Man
Photo: via Wikimedia

The Retreat to the Other Room to Get a Beer Cry

Let's say you're conducting your fantasy football draft with a bunch of buddies at your house when you get a call from your boss telling you that you've been fired. You've got a wife and two kids to support and you have a buddy who's been out on the job market for six months now. It's going to be a rough haul and you're feeling pretty shaken up.

The best thing to do? Just laugh as you put down the phone, get up from your chair, burp loudly and declare that you're going to go get a beer, offering to bring one back for any bitched that's thirsty as well. Once you've gotten out of hearing distance from the room your friends are in, let those feelings well up and allow the tears to flow.

Only allow a minute for this to occur so as to not raise suspicion, put some Clear Eyes eye drops in your eyes, grab those beers from the fridge (checking to see if the pictured mountains are blue) and finish your draft like the man you are.
The Firing Your Gun Cry is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The 10 Ways to Cry Like a Man
Photo: via Pinterest

The Firing Your Gun Cry

If you've got to cry and there are no other options, then grab the nearest gun and fire it while you weep. You'll look like a badass doing it and people will assume that those tears are worth it.
The Blame it on Allergies Cry is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The 10 Ways to Cry Like a Man
Photo: via Wikimedia

The Blame it on Allergies Cry

In the event that either a) there is no gun nearby or b) one of your buddies who didn't ask for a beer decides to get one and walks in on you crying then the best course of action is to blame it on allergies. If your friend mentions that he's never heard of you having allergies before then just tell him to "shut the f**k up and get a beer already." Once he's gone, feel free to resume your crying if you're still under the minute mark.