After Street Fighter made it big, the gaming industry decided to pump out fighting game after fighting game that appealed to either complete weirdos or, more often, nobody. These fighting games are weird, awful, strange and just plain absurd. Why were they made? I have no idea, but since they were, let's take a walk down the crazy side of the weirdest/worst fighting games of all time.What are the worst fighting games? There are some pretty bad video games on this list, and deservedly so. You wonder what the gamemakers were thinking when they made these games, but hey nobody is perfect, right?
Clayfighter was a straight Street Fighter 2 rip off, but it used pseudo-claymation style graphics instead of your average pixelated, over-muscled heroes. Instead, we got nightmarish, clay versions of things like Frosty the Snowman (lazily named "Bad Mr. Frosty" -- who was cool looking, but slow), Blob and Taffy (you can imagine what each of these characters actually looks like).
The plot was, and yes, there is a "plot", that a clay meteor lands at a circus transforming all the performers into clay versions of themselves with super powers. That being said, I have never been to a circus where the main act was a snowman, but I digress.
For the time, the graphics were pretty "amazing". I remember looking at the box and thinking "woah, 3D games! Wicked!" (you were, also, not a cool kid.)That coupled with pretty good controls and a catchy theme song makes this probably the best game on the list, which really, doesn't say a lot. Well, nothing positive, at least.
Made during the, "Let's put Shaq in EVERYTHING!" era, this game was probably the worst thing to ever happen to the Shaq brand. (And yes, I am including Shazam.)
Based on the classic Mortal Kombat format, the game featured a progression through a world where Shaq could hurt people with his magic flaming basketball which, if you're good enough at basketball, anyone can achieve.
Possibly the best thing about this game is the fact that Shaq towers over everyone, just like in real life. The worst thing about it? That it was made at all. The second worst part? Everything about the game.
Shaquille O'Neal casually wanders into a Kung Fu dojo on his way to a charity basketball game in Tokyo, Japan where, after speaking with a kung fu master, he stumbles into another dimension where he's got to rescue a boy named Nezu from an evil mummy. All of these things makes sense because the game is set in Asia. If you disrespectfully wander into a place of study of the martial arts, naturally the man with the highest level of skill will want to talk to you and then send you into another dimension to be a hero using only the main tool you use in your profession (only on fire). Duh.
This game could have been at least guilty-pleasure-worthy if it handled well, but Shaq's limbs are so long throughout every fight, that you're struggling with your basic depth perception, and have to get far away from your enemies just to hit them.
Shaq Fu is more insulting than the fact that somewhere, someone out there thought that this was a good idea for game.
And in yet another way for perverts to manipulate hot chicks in the only way they'll ever be able to in real life, we get Bikini Karate Babes.
Because there's nothing more Karate than bikinis.
This game was basically a Dead or Alive game, only with the Mortal Kombat, real-human capture going for it.
There is no way around saying that this is just a Skin-e-max rip off of Mortal Kombat.
Shiny bikinis = battle gear for the new millenium
It features a full roster of, what I can only imagine are budding young actresses eager for their big break. (It wasn't this.)
Ugh. These look like the signs on that street in Tokyo that was awkward to walk down with my parents.
All the characters are digitized, like in Mortal Kombat, and the score is basically an elevator music version of the MK soundtrack.
There are some interesting differences though.
While they do have grapples and special moves, instead of it being a smooth graphic, the game designers chose to put in a jarring FMV cut scene of the girls performing the move.
"C'mon Nancy, you're too drunk for this, let's go home"
Also, while there are not fatalities in this, each of the girls have a fun touchdown dance that you could probably see at the cheesiest strip club in your town.
"Trust me, sweetheart, you're gonna be a star!"
All this being said, I think the game would have probably been better if it was designed with one-handed controls, as this is, sadly, what most people want to do with games like this.(Please note that there was a sequel made too. Bikini Karate Babes 2: Warriors of Elysia. It is important that you know this, because if you talk about a game like Bikini Karate Babes, someone will inevitably ask the question "oh my God, that sounds great, is there a sequel?")
You might remember the catchphrase of Ballz: "To be the champion, you gotta have Ballz!".
Ok, you probably don't remember it. And you probably don't need ballz to be a champion. That's kind of sexist, come to think about it...
Ballz was a 2D fighting game that really tried to add that extra dimension. Graphically similar to Vectorman , Ballz used a bunch of spheres to simulate 3D. Just not well. At all.
The characters were interesting. You had a clown, a monkey, a bodybuilder etc. Since they were all strictly made up off shiny balls, you really couldn't tell the difference between them all. Just differing numbers of stuck-together balls, fighting to the ball-death.
You pretty much could get the same experience by having a clown make a few balloon animals for you and making them fight. At least then you'd get a surprise pop here and there and be able to feel some excitement.
Who thought of this? A really, really lazy designer, that's who. "So, uh, what do you guys want to do with all these character models? Like, what kind of game can we make out of these?" "F*ck it, let's just use these things and make them fight or something, people won't care." "What should we call it?" "I've got just the name... .And yes, this is how video games are made.