Offbeat The 14 Porn Parodies Humanity Really Didn't Need  

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The following completely unnecessary (and yes, there's such a thing as a necessary porn parody) porn parodies are complete abominations that really, nobody needed to see. porn parodies serve one of two purposes: to make us laugh while still showing us some awesome sex while the stars actually have a blast dressing up, and to fulfill our undercultivated fantasies we've had about characters that would NEVER have sex in their real shows. These parodies violate ALL of that and more (including, of course, our dreams, sensibilities and limits).

Schindlers Lust


Remember one of the most disturbingly real portrayals of one of the most vile, tragic and disgusting periods in human history? Well apparently, someone saw that and thought "eeeh, not enough sex."

Enter, Schindler's Lust.

There's actually kind of a history to this one.

In the late 90s, Keith Crocker started to make a film entitled Schindler's Lust, somewhat in protest of people beginning to take everything too seriously. They were avengers of free speech, even at its most reprehensible and insensitive. The movie ran out of budget almost immediately, so they used footage from a previous film to create a 10 minute trailer for Schindler's Lust, a movie that was never quite finished, that ended up being the representation of what the film could have been.

It's shot in grainy black and white, so it looks like it's a lost wartime film, and it's also dubbed all by one guy, so it looks like it could have been originally in German. Interspliced with video of Nazi speeches, this film features a lot of the following:

They trap naked chicks and make them have sex with ape creatures. The ape creatures feed on the blood of the hot chicks. Scientists and Nazi officers go nuts performing "experiments" on various women in camps, intermixed with pictures of naked Nazi officers beating American soldiers to death..

"These are the things nightmares are made of..." the creator said. Yes, yes they are.

I don't need to explain why this movie, a porn parody about the Holocaust, is 100% unnecessary, do I? The worst part about this is that it could easily have been something truly artistic that could have made some kind of "statement" about people taking things too seriously, or what have you, but the execution (pun intended) just wasn't there.

It looked like a student film made by high schoolers, or middle schoolers with deep voices (and access to naked women, and a porn budget). It looks terrible, it's pointless and, most importantly (and unlike quite a few of the movies on this list), just was not funny.

Click here to watch the 5 minute Schindler's Lust that DID make it to some kind of cut and revel in the worst porn parody that was never made.

E.T. The Porn Parody


Ranker Video
Video: YouTube

Based on: E.T. the Extra Terrestrial

So, who in their right mind would watch Steven Spielberg’s epic ode to intergalactic BFFs and say, "It was good… but I’d like to see it with 1000% more cross species f**king"? Why, the Germans, of course. Ladies and perverted gentlemen (or as some people say, "gentlemen), behold ‘E.T. the porn Parody’, where a feminized adaptation of the alien comes down to earth to learn everything about the human experience... and I mean everything.

Only the Germans would think a creature that looks like Marty Feldman’s sister rolled in f***s is something you can get off to, but we all here in America think it’ll kill any (regular) guy's mood quicker than Elliot’s pot of flowers.

The XXXorcist


Based on: The Exorcist (the film)

Not to be confused with the 1974 movie about a woman who investigates a devil cult, The Sexorcist, The XXXorcist is Burning Angel's answer to the scariest movie of all time, The Exorcist. The XXXorcist is about Father Merkin (the original film featured a Father Merrin, so hey, clever points) and his quest to save a young girl from being possessed by a demon. The only way to save the girl? Have sex with her, over and over and over again.

Link to the barely SFW trailer

This Aint Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX


This Aint Curb Your Enthusiasm... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The 14 Porn Parodies Humanity Really Didn't Need
Photo: via Reddit

"Larry!?"

Based on: Curb Your Enthusiasm (the Emmy nominated show on HBO starring the guy who created Seinfeld)

As seen in the regular show Curb Your Enthusiasm, nothing turns on the ladies quite like a nebbish, middle aged, balding Jew with a talent for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, so the porn version wouldn’t be at all like walking in on your grandfather with a prostitute, right?... Right?

No one asked for this, and now that ‘This Ain’t Curb… XXX’ is here and available, it just solidifies the idea that nothing is sacred, and just because you can, doesn’t always mean you should. T

What about the show ever makes you want Larry David having sex? What?

They even went so far as to make a false bald spot for the lead actor in the porn parody. And sure, we've all always wanted to see Cheryl Hines (the woman who plays Larry's wife for most of the show) naked, but seriously, not even hot porn star look-alike is able to draw the attention away from how opposite-of-sexy this entire thing looks. Seriously, WTF guys?