Fails The 13 Most Ridiculous Character-Branded Products Ever  

Allison Robinson
64.7k views 13 items

From a Tom Cruise pleasure toy, to Hello Kitty booze, to Spongebob Squarepants rectal thermometers and even lightsaber chopsticks, here are the most weird and funny products that have ever featured a branded character's face and/or image. Buy at your own risk and delight.


Spongebob Musical Rectal Thermometer

Four of the most horrifying words anyone has ever seen placed in sequence together: Spongebob, musical, rectal and thermometer. There isn't much better than easing the pain of a child's first rectal invasion with the image of their favorite cartoon character horrifically laughing at them and playing their favorite tunes as they contemplate their place in this new horrible world they've discovered. The packaging may say that it can also be used in the mouth and under the arm, but the fact that it's kind of an after thought makes this item that much more outlandish and allows it, despite all the pleasure toys on this list, to hit the top spot.


Twilight Pleasure Toys

The sexual tensions between Bella and Edward or Bella and Jacob seem to finally be taking shape. Points go to Team Edward, as the jury's still out on whether one of these toys will ever be made with wolf hair on it. The most disturbing things about this character-branded (not officially) product are as follows:

1) It sparkles in sunlight because there's nothing people enjoy more than taking their toys outdoors for all the neighbors to see.
2) It's temperature sensitive, which means that if you leave it in the fridge, it'll hold its "cold" temperature so anyone can pretend that Edward is actually "there."
3) Was it mentioned already that this product is meant to mimic a cold, vampire's member?


Tinkerbell Corn-On-The-Cob

Nothing says Disney like vegetables. It appears Disney has to have commercial ventures in every sector of human existence. Now they even have the "Disney Garden" which is attempting to encourage kids and parents to make smarter food choices and to eat more fruits and vegetables. Pick produce from their huge 'garden' including Donald Duck cauliflower, Tinkerbell corn-on-the-cob, Toy Story apples and Nemo mandarin oranges.


Celebrity Rectal Pleasure Toys

Are you an "Exit Only" type of person? Well, if you ever wanted to cover "George W. Tush," "Smell Gibson," "Tom Cruise," or "Parass Hilton's" face with your bottom, here's your chance: Companies are making celebrity pleasure toys for your bum.