The 15 Douchiest John Mayer Quotes

This is a collection of stupid quotes from singer John Mayer, from his sex life with Jessica Simpson to his self pleasure rituals. We all know that John Mayer is a giant loser, but he still can't seem to keep his mouth in check (especially in a recent Playboy interview), and eventually someone is going to try and wash it out with a bag of Summer's Eve.

It's not only us, other girls (Taylor Swift, ahem) also view him as the ultimate jerk. Sure, his love songs are beautiful, but does that make up for the fact that he is a jerk in almost ever other area of life? No. After you read these terrible, annoying, sometimes even racially insensitive quotes, you'll want to punch the guy right in his stupid singing face.

  • 1
    734 VOTES

    My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist

    "I don't think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a f**kin' David Duke c*ck. I'm going to start dating separately from my d*ck."

    John Mayer on interracial relationships in an interview with Playboy magazine, 2010.

    734 votes
  • 2
    705 VOTES

    If you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n***er Pass.

    "MAYER: My two biggest hits are 'Your Body Is a Wonderland' and 'Daughters.' If you think those songs are pandering, then you'll think I'm a douche bag. It's like I come on very strong. I am a very…I'm just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can't handle very, then I'm a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That's why Black people love me.

    PLAYBOY: Because you're very?

    MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, 'What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?' And by the way, it's sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n***** pass."

    Playboy interview, 2010

    705 votes
  • 3
    450 VOTES

    I can outgay this guy, right now.

    All of a sudden I thought, I can outgay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody—almost as if I hated f*gs. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long..."

    John Mayer on his highly publicized kissing Perez Hilton.

    450 votes
  • 4
    341 VOTES

    I'm sort of a half-chick . . . I can insert a tampon

    John Mayer on a fellow female sanitation device, in his Rolling Stone interview 1/2010

    341 votes
  • 5
    283 VOTES

    It was like sexual napalm

    "Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say," he answered. "It was like napalm, sexual napalm."

    John Mayer on his relationship with Jessica Simpson, 2010.

    283 votes
  • 6
    375 VOTES

    Before I make coffee I've seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week.

    "I am the new generation of masturbator, I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week…"

    John Mayer on his habits of "helping" himself out, and considering medical school.

    375 votes