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The 15 Douchiest John Mayer Quotes

Updated August 28, 2020 5.4k votes 1.7k voters 795.0k views

This is a collection of stupid quotes from singer John Mayer, from his sex life with Jessica Simpson to his self pleasure rituals. We all know that John Mayer is a giant loser, but he still can't seem to keep his mouth in check (especially in a recent Playboy interview), and eventually someone is going to try and wash it out with a bag of Summer's Eve.

It's not only us, other girls (Taylor Swift, ahem) also view him as the ultimate jerk. Sure, his love songs are beautiful, but does that make up for the fact that he is a jerk in almost ever other area of life? No. After you read these terrible, annoying, sometimes even racially insensitive quotes, you'll want to punch the guy right in his stupid singing face.

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  • 5

    It was like sexual napalm

    "Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say," he answered. "It was like napalm, sexual napalm."

    John Mayer on his relationship with Jessica Simpson, 2010.

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  • 6

    Before I make coffee I've seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week.

    "I am the new generation of masturbator, I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week…"

    John Mayer on his habits of "helping" himself out, and considering medical school.

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  • 7

    I'm sort of a half-chick . . . I can insert a tampon

    John Mayer on a fellow female sanitation device, in his Rolling Stone interview 1/2010

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  • 8

    If I wasn't thought of as a young bruce springsteen before, I sure am now.

    Video: YouTube
    2:52 This is a self-depricating video he made with some comedians that really doesn't stray very far from reality.
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