offbeat The 12 Weirdest Ways Kids Are Getting High Lately  

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List of weird ways to get high as reported by strange news stories all over the world. If there’s one thing we’ve all agreed on, it’s that being sober sucks. As Samuel Beckett once said, “taking coffee without brandy is like taking sex without love.” That’s really only tangentially related to this article, but man, what a great quote, huh? Here are some weird new ways kids have been getting high lately.
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Nutmegs is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The 12 Weirdest Ways Kids Are Getting High Lately
Photo: via Imgur

What is it?
You know… nutmeg. It's a seasoning. Some people put it in toothpaste.

What's It Do?
According to "when taken in large doses (nutmeg) has been found to give a buzz, or nutmeg high. …(nutmeg) can give you a nice buzz when taken in a moderate amount, but can cause nutmeg hallucinations and even death if an extremely large about is taken."

That’s... that’s the least helpful description of a drug's effects ever. I can't believe they threw out the phrase "nutmeg hallucinations" as if that doesn't need any further explanation as to how it might differ from your run-of-the-mill, every-day hallucinations. Do you hallucinate nutmegs? Can an “extremely large amount” really cause death, or is it just "nutmeg” death?

Well, now we know.

Are We Serious About This?
Yeah, kinda. It's been used recreationally, especially in India, since at least the late 19th century. Malcolm X even wrote about using it in his autobiography, though he referred to it as a "semi-drug." Its main perk is that it's so easy to find and use, but since the effects beyond a light buzz are dry mouth, dizziness and palpitations, it seems pretty unclear why anyone would bother.


Catnip is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The 12 Weirdest Ways Kids Are Getting High Lately
Photo: via Wikimedia
What is it?
That weird green stuff that kind of resembles pot and makes your cat act like a goddamn idiot.

What's it do?
Sadly, it won't send you into the fit of excited euphoria that your cat enters. If you smoke Catnip with a mixture of Tobacco, it will give you a "mild euphoric" feeling. Since Catnip is a member of the mint family, smoking catnip basically gives your brain a mint. How pleasant that sounds to you probably depends a lot on your opinion of mint.

"It's like an altoid for your brain!"

Are We Serious About This?
Proooooobably not. It's not gonna hurt you, and it's not gonna feel great either. It's like candy-cigarettes but slightly lamer.

Vodka Tampons (And Eyeballs)

Vodka Tampons (And Eyeballs) is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The 12 Weirdest Ways Kids Are Getting High Lately
Photo: via Wikimedia

What is it?
If you've ever been drinking vodka and found yourself thinking "man, I sure wish this getting drunk process was more painful and less efficient!" then shut up, no you haven't. No one thinks that. No one would ever think that.

Vodka Eyeballing and Vodka Tampons take the worst part of alcohol (it f**ks up your body) and makes it way, way worse while also managing to ruin the good part of alcohol (it makes you drunk) by limiting the dosage. This is the most tragically inefficient misuse of something awesome since Steven Seagal got sucked out of an airplane at the beginning of Executive Decision.

If you’re on the box art, you should at least kill someone at some point.

What's it Do?
What do you mean? It's vodka–it makes your brain work not good.

Are We Serious About this?
I dunno man, are we? Unlike everything else on this list, we're not for one second challenging that, at its heart, this is a wonderful thing. After all, for most of human history, people have relished the opportunity of disabling large chunks of their brain so they have an excuse to cause property damage and regurgitate their innards all over the sidewalk with social impunity. The thing these teenagers don't understand is that we've been getting drunk for thousands of years, and we've figured out all the best ways.

The window for that innovation has passed.

Do you think if pouring that s**t into your eye was actually a good idea, we wouldn’t have a religious ritual built around it by now? Thousands of years of human civilization says that the mouth is the best place to put vodka, so shut up and take your medicine.


Jankem is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The 12 Weirdest Ways Kids Are Getting High Lately
Photo: via Reddit

What is it?
Human feces and urine. You sniff it, I guess?

What's It Do?
Impossible to say. I'm sure as s**t (ha ha) not gonna try it myself, and I'd really rather avoid talking to anyone who feels differently. No matter how much you hate sobriety the "you know? I’d rather stay clean tonight," line needs to get drawn way before you’re sticking your nose in human s**t.

So, about here.

Are We Serious About This?
No clue. There are lots of anecdotal stories about this, but no conclusive studies and scientists say it wouldn’t make you euphoric or anything, it’d just knock you out. Which leads me to believe that the "high" you get off of huffing jenkem is just the rational part of your brain getting disappointed in you and going to take a smoke break.