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The Best Austin Powers in Goldmember Quotes

Updated June 23, 2019 3.7k views23 items

Austin Powers in Goldmember quotes are certainly quotable for movie fans. These are some of the best quotes from the comedy Austin Powers in Goldmember as determined by you and your votes. A parody of several James Bond films (for example, Goldfinger), Austin Powers in Goldmember was the third film in the Austin Powers franchise. Starring Mike Myers in the title role, Goldmember also featured Beyoncé as Foxxy Cleopatra. Released in theaters on July 26, 2002, the tagline was "The grooviest movie of the summer has a secret, baby!"

What are the best Austin Powers in Goldmember quotes? Do you like Austin's line, "Nice to mole you... meet you. Nice to meet you, Mole"? Or do you like some of the lesser known lines from the film? Let it be known. Vote for your top Austin Powers in Goldmember quotes and watch them rise to the top of the list.
 

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  • Johnson: Sir, Dr. Evil's not bluffing. One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.
    World Leader: Which one?
    Johnson: It's the one that looks like a pair of--
    [cut to a fruit stand]
    Woman: Melons! Big juicy melons! [holds two melons in front of her]
    Man: Are they nice and firm?
    Woman: Well, what do you think?
    Man: [points to the sky] Look at that! It looks like a set of giant--
    [cut to a football game; 4 men are cheering with the letters "T","I","T", and "S" painted on their chests]
    2nd "T" Man: Hey! A and N, you're late!
    [two more men with the letters "A" and "N" arrive, forming "TITANS"]
    "A" Man: How we doing, man?!
    All 6 men: Yeah! GO, TITANS!! Yeah!
    "A" Man: Check it out! Those remind me of--
    [film pauses; cut to the Osbournes]
    Ozzy: Boobs!
    Sharon: Boobs, Ozzy?
    Ozzy: These filmmakers are just [bleep] boobs!
    Kelly: What do you mean, Dad?
    Ozzy: Well, they're usin' the same [bleep] joke they did in the last Austin Powers movie.
    Sharon: What [bleep] joke?
    Jack: You know, the [bleep] joke about the long, smooth rocket that looks like some guy's--
    [cut back to the World Organization]
    Leader: Johnson?
    Johnson: Yes, sir?
    Leader: Any sign of that satellite?
    Johnson: No, sir. It's gone.
  • Austin: Excellent, Basil. We've been trying for years to get a mole into Dr. Evil's lair; we now have that mole.
    Basil:: Yes! Ah, and here he is.
    [Number Three enters]
    Austin: So you're the... (zoom up on the mole's mole) mo-o-ole, mo-o-o-le...
    Foxxy: Mo-ost, most...most excellent agent we've ever seen.
    Austin: Yes, most excellent agent we've ever seen.
    Foxxy: Mm-hmmm.
    Austin: (quietly to Foxxy) Thank you.
    Number Three: Thank you. Now, I wasn't able to get an exact location, but I did learn that Dr. Evil has moved to a new lair outside of Tokyo Japan. By the way, I realize that I have a large mole on my face.
    Austin: Where? (nervously laughs) What? Where's that mole? I... didn't see one.
    Number Three: I also realize the irony that I am myself a mole.
    Austin: (nervously) No one would make that connection.
    Basil: (to Number Three) Anyway, well done, old chap. Jolly good work.
    Austin: Yes, nice to mole you--meet you! Nice to meet your mole. Don't say "mole".
    Foxxy: Stop it.
    Austin: I said "mole".
    Foxxy: Stop!
    Number Three: Bye.
    Austin: Mole.
    [Basil and Number Three approach the elevator]
    Austin: Mo-ole... [Basil raises index finger, face indicating "That's enough."] Mole!
    Basil: [irritated] OH, SHUT UP!
    Austin: [tries to hold it in, but cannot] Moley, moley, moley, moley, moley!
  • Number Three: Mini-Me has switched sides.
    Austin: Oh! Oh! (looks at Mini-Me) Sorry about that, old chap. (waves) Welcome aboard. (looks back at Number Three) My mole-stake. (covers his mouth)
    Number Three: What?
    Austin: (shakes head)
    Number Three: Look, just get it out of your system.
    Austin: No, I'm fine.
    Number Three: We can work better if you just--
    Austin: MOLE! Bloody mole! We're not supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me right in the face! I'm gonna chop it off, cut it up, and make some guaca-moley!
    Number Three: Better?
    Austin: Yeah. (takes plant branch and pokes Number Three's mole with it)
  • Goldmember: Dr. Evil, we have the ultimate insurance policy. May I present to you, the very sexual, the very toit, Austin Power's fahza!
    Dr. Evil: His what?
    Number 2: His fazha, Dr. Evil.
    Dr. Evil: His farjer?
    Number 2: [nods]
    Dr. Evil: What's farjer?
    Goldmember: His fazha, ya know the fazha.
    Dr. Evil: Yeah, Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch. Okay, perv-boy?
    Goldmember: Fazha, his dad. Daddy's fazha.
    Dr. Evil: Oh, his dad. Oh! His father.
    Goldmember: Yes, I have a Dutch accent. Isn't that weird?
    Dr. Evil: Father, Father. Ah, Nigel Powers.
    Nigel: Hello, hello. (slaps Frau on her rear) Ha-ha-ha.
    Dr. Evil: Bring him to me.
    Nigel: Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. Oh, put the guns down. Is-is this the first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes, you attack me, one at a time, and I knock you out with a single punch. Okay? Go.
    (The two guards listen, and Nigel does just that)
    Dr. Evil: Oh, he's good.
    Nigel: (to third guard) Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. You got no chance. Why don't you just fall down? Go on, son.
    (The guard complies.)
    Nigel: All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up while you still got a chance. (handgun chambers behind Nigel) Okay, okay, you got me.
    Dr. Evil: Nigel Powers, I'd like you to meet Mini-me.
    Nigel: Oh, blimey! (looks down at Mini-me) I thought I smelled cabbage.
    Dr. Evil: Take him away!
    Goldmember: Uh-uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing, ya know?
    (Dr. Evil pilots his chair over to Goldmember, and swivels it to look at Goldmember.)
    Dr. Evil: How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard!?