quotations The Best Clerks Movie Quotes  

Movie and TV Quotes
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Because it's such a classic and beloved movie, here are the funniest Clerks movie quotes, as voted on by Kevin Smith fans like you. Clerks is the low budget flick that launched Kevin Smith's career as a movie director. The black-and-white black comedy centers on two clerks, Dante and Randall, and the horribly amazing single day they have at 'work'. With the eventually legendary Jay and Silent Bob, the duo play hockey, talk about the significance of blowjobs, and much more. Clerks  has some legendary quotes, and is certifiably crazy and a certified cult classic. 

What are the best Clerks quotes? Vote for your favorites below and let the best one liners and quotes from the movie Clerks rise to the top of the list. 

Working Without

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Randal Graves: You know who I can do without? I can do without the people in the video store.Dante Hicks: Which ones?Randal Graves: All of them.
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2 15 VOTES

Pay Attention

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Video Store Customer: They say so much, but they never tell you if they're any good. Are either one of these any good? Sir?
Randal: What?
Video Store Customer: Are either one of these any good?
Randal: I don't watch movies.
Video Store Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?
Randal: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
Video Store Customer: You mean you've haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these?
Randal: Nope.
Video Store Customer: Well, what about these two?
Randal: Oh, they suck.
Video Store Customer: These are the same two movies! You weren't paying any attention!
Randal: No, I wasn't.
Video Store Customer: I don't think your manager would appreciate—
Randal: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Video Store Customer: I beg your pardon?
Randal: Your ruse. Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
Video Store Customer: I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying!
Randal: And I hope it feels good.
Video Store Customer: You hope what feels good?
Randal: I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Video Store Customer: Well, this is the last time I rent here!
Randal: You'll be missed.
Video Store Customer: Screw you!
Randal: Hey! You're not allowed to rent here anymore!
Jay: Yeeaahhh!
Randal: Screw me?
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3 10 VOTES

37 What?

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Dante: Wait, but you said you only had sex with three different guys! You never mentioned him.Veronica: Because I never had sex with him.Dante: You sucked his dick!Veronica: We went out a few times. We never had sex, but we fooled around.Dante: Oh, my God! Why did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?Veronica: Because I did only have sex with three different guys! That doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.Dante: Oh, my God, I feel so nauseous.Veronica: Sorry, Dante, I thought you understood.Dante: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!Veronica: Please calm down.Dante: How many?Veronica: Dante!Dante: How many dicks have you sucked?Veronica: Let it go!Dante: How many?Veronica: All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!Dante: This is different! This is important! How many?  Well?Veronica: Um... something like 36.Dante: WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE 36!?Veronica: Lower your voice.Dante: Wait, what is that anyway, "something like 36?" Does that include me?Veronica: Um... 37.Dante: I'M 37!?Veronica: I'm going to class.Dante: Oh, my God.  37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!Customer: In a row?
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Misery Loves Company

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Dante: You get me slapped with a fine, you argue with the customers and I have to patch everything up. You get us thrown out of a funeral by violating a corpse, and then to top it all off, you ruin my relationship. I mean, what's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank? You know what the real tragedy about all this is? I'm not even supposed to be here today!
Randal: Oh fuck you! Fuck you, pal! Jesus, there you go. Trying to pass the buck. I`m the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to win back his ex-girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one? You want to blame somebody? Blame yourself!  'I'm not even supposed to be here today.' You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here. You're here of your own volition. You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulder, like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. Jesus, you over-compensate for havin' what's basically a monkey's job. You push fuckin' buttons! Anybody could waltz in here and do our jobs. You, you're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic, so much more important than it really is. Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante, and badly I might add. I work in a shitty video store, badly as well. You know, that guy Jay's got it right, man, he has no delusions about what he does. Us - we like to make ourselves seem so much more important than the people that come in here to buy a paper or God forbid, cigarettes. We look down on them as if we're so advanced. Well, if we're so fuckin' advanced, what are we doin' working here?
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