Comedy The Best Half Baked Quotes  

Movie and TV Quotes
158 votes 115 voters 15.9k views 25 items

The best Half Baked quotes bring the hilarious one-liners and favorite scenes from the stoner comedy film which follows a group of buddies who sell marijuana to free their friend from jail. The film was directed by Tamra Davis using a screenplay by Dave Chappelle and Neal Brennan. Half Baked was panned by critics when it opened on January 16, 1988, but soon became a cult favorite.

In Half Baked, a group of stoners, Thurgood (Dave Chappelle), Scarface (Guillermo Diaz), Brian (Jim Breuer) and Kenny (Harland Williams) all live and smoke together. When an honest mistake during a munchie run results in Kenny killing a diabetic police horse, he is sent to jail. The remaining guys try to raise money to free Kenny and make the choice to sell marijuana, which Thurgood steals from the lab where Thurgood works.

Initially their Mr. Nice Guy business is a success and they meet a number of interesting smokers (Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg, Jon Stewart, Stephen Baldwin and Janeane Garagalo all cameo) but this also angers rival drug dealer, Samson (Clarence Williams III). To survive, and get Kenny out of jail, Thurgood, Scarface and Kenny are forced to work with the police to set up Samson, a task that is dangerous, especially when one member, Thurgood, is trying to quit weed to get a girl, Mary Jane (Rachel True).

Half Baked might not have been a favorite among critics but the zany quotes from the comedy have stood the test of time. Which Half Baked quote is your favorite? Vote for all the Half Baked movie quotes you love best right here.
1 37 VOTES

One Heifer With Cheese

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Employee: One heifer with cheese.
Scarface: I'm right behind you, yo. Turn around and ask me for a heifer with cheese, yo. Why you gotta make me feel inferior cause I'm on the grill, B? Damn!
Employee: Sorry!
...
Employee: Still waiting on that heifer, Julio.
Scarface: F*** you, f*** you, f*** you, you're cool, and f*** you, I'm out!
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2 6 VOTES

You Gotta Understand Who Killer the Dog Was

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Brian: First of all to understand what happened to Killer, you gotta understand who killer the dog was. Now Killer was born to a three-legged bitch of a mother. He was always ashamed of this, man. And then right after that he's adopted by this man, Tito Liebowitz. He's a small time gun runner and a rottweiler fight promoter. So he puts Killer into training. They see Killer's good. He is damn good. But then he had the fight of his life. They pit him against his brother Nibbles. And Killer said, "no man that's my brother, I can't fight Nibbles" but they made him fight anyway, and Killer, he killed Nibbles. Killer said, "that's it!" He called off all his fights, and he started doing crack, and he freaked out. Then in a rage, he collapsed, and his heart no longer beat. Wow.
Thurgood: You know uh, I never thought I'd say this to anybody, but you two smoke entirely too much reefer.
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3 9 VOTES

Hey Girl, You Hungry?

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Kenny: Hey girl, you hungry?
Overweight Woman: Fuck you, n****!
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4 11 VOTES

I Know This Isn't Your Responsibility...

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Scientist: Janitor? Uh, janitor?
Thurgood: Ah! Oh..sorry 'bout that. What is it, scientist?
Scientist: I know this isn't your responsibility but, uh, could you be a dear and run this down to the supply department for me? It's on the second floor.
Thurgood: Just run this down?
Scientist: Yes, but make sure you bring the order right back to me. I need it A.S.A.P.
Thurgood: Gotcha. Hey, I know this isn't your responsibility but just mop the rest of this s*** up. I'll be right back.
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