Movie Quotes The Best Half Baked Quotes  

Movie and TV Quotes
188 votes 123 voters 17.7k views 25 items

The best Half Baked quotes bring the hilarious one-liners and favorite scenes from the stoner comedy film which follows a group of buddies who sell marijuana to free their friend from jail. The film was directed by Tamra Davis using a screenplay by Dave Chappelle and Neal Brennan. Half Baked was panned by critics when it opened on January 16, 1988, but soon became a cult favorite.

In Half Baked, a group of stoners, Thurgood (Dave Chappelle), Scarface (Guillermo Diaz), Brian (Jim Breuer) and Kenny (Harland Williams) all live and smoke together. When an honest mistake during a munchie run results in Kenny killing a diabetic police horse, he is sent to jail. The remaining guys try to raise money to free Kenny and make the choice to sell marijuana, which Thurgood steals from the lab where Thurgood works.

Initially their Mr. Nice Guy business is a success and they meet a number of interesting smokers (Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg, Jon Stewart, Stephen Baldwin and Janeane Garagalo all cameo) but this also angers rival drug dealer, Samson (Clarence Williams III). To survive, and get Kenny out of jail, Thurgood, Scarface and Kenny are forced to work with the police to set up Samson, a task that is dangerous, especially when one member, Thurgood, is trying to quit weed to get a girl, Mary Jane (Rachel True).

Half Baked might not have been a favorite among critics but the zany quotes from the comedy have stood the test of time. Which Half Baked quote is your favorite? Vote for all the Half Baked movie quotes you love best right here.
1 39 VOTES

One Heifer With Cheese

Ranker Video
Video: YouTube
Employee: One heifer with cheese.
Scarface: I'm right behind you, yo. Turn around and ask me for a heifer with cheese, yo. Why you gotta make me feel inferior cause I'm on the grill, B? Damn!
Employee: Sorry!
Employee: Still waiting on that heifer, Julio.
Scarface: F*** you, f*** you, f*** you, you're cool, and f*** you, I'm out!
31 8
Should this be higher or lower?
2 12 VOTES

Hey Girl, You Hungry?

Ranker Video
Video: YouTube
Kenny: Hey girl, you hungry?
Overweight Woman: Fuck you, n****!
11 1
Should this be higher or lower?
3 10 VOTES

I Wanna Talk to Samson!

Ranker Video
Video: YouTube
Sir Smoke-Alot: Bitch! You know what I want! Hahahahaha! I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! 'Cause it's hard being black and gifted! Sometimes I wanna throw it all down and get lifted!
9 1
Should this be higher or lower?
4 12 VOTES

I Know This Isn't Your Responsibility...

Ranker Video
Video: YouTube
Scientist: Janitor? Uh, janitor?
Thurgood: Ah! Oh..sorry 'bout that. What is it, scientist?
Scientist: I know this isn't your responsibility but, uh, could you be a dear and run this down to the supply department for me? It's on the second floor.
Thurgood: Just run this down?
Scientist: Yes, but make sure you bring the order right back to me. I need it A.S.A.P.
Thurgood: Gotcha. Hey, I know this isn't your responsibility but just mop the rest of this s*** up. I'll be right back.
10 2
Should this be higher or lower?