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The Best Half Baked Quotes

Updated August 17, 2020 551 votes 220 voters 31.5k views25 items

The best Half Baked quotes bring the hilarious one-liners and favorite scenes from the stoner comedy film which follows a group of buddies who sell marijuana to free their friend from jail. The film was directed by Tamra Davis using a screenplay by Dave Chappelle and Neal Brennan. Half Baked was panned by critics when it opened on January 16, 1988, but soon became a cult favorite.

In Half Baked, a group of stoners, Thurgood (Dave Chappelle), Scarface (Guillermo Diaz), Brian (Jim Breuer) and Kenny (Harland Williams) all live and smoke together. When an honest mistake during a munchie run results in Kenny killing a diabetic police horse, he is sent to jail. The remaining guys try to raise money to free Kenny and make the choice to sell marijuana, which Thurgood steals from the lab where Thurgood works.

Initially their Mr. Nice Guy business is a success and they meet a number of interesting smokers (Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg, Jon Stewart, Stephen Baldwin and Janeane Garagalo all cameo) but this also angers rival drug dealer, Samson (Clarence Williams III). To survive, and get Kenny out of jail, Thurgood, Scarface and Kenny are forced to work with the police to set up Samson, a task that is dangerous, especially when one member, Thurgood, is trying to quit weed to get a girl, Mary Jane (Rachel True).

Half Baked might not have been a favorite among critics but the zany quotes from the comedy have stood the test of time. Which Half Baked quote is your favorite? Vote for all the Half Baked movie quotes you love best right here.
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  • 1

    One Heifer With Cheese

    One Heifer With Cheese is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Half Baked Quotes
    Video: YouTube
    Employee: One heifer with cheese.
    Scarface: I'm right behind you, yo. Turn around and ask me for a heifer with cheese, yo. Why you gotta make me feel inferior cause I'm on the grill, B? Damn!
    Employee: Sorry!
    ...
    Employee: Still waiting on that heifer, Julio.
    Scarface: F*** you, f*** you, f*** you, you're cool, and f*** you, I'm out!
    73
    14
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  • 2

    I Used to Suck D*** for Coke

    I Used to Suck D*** for Coke is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Half Baked Quotes
    Video: YouTube
    Thurgood: I'm here today because I'm addicted to marijuana.
    Rehab Patient: You in here 'cuz of marijuana?! Man, this is some bulls***!
    Cocaine Addict: Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck d*** for coke.
    Rehab Patient: I seen him do it!
    Cocaine Addict: Now that's an addiction, man. You ever suck some d*** for marijuana?
    Thurgood: No, I can't say I have.
    Cocaine Addict: I didn't think so.
    Rehab Patient: Boo this man!
    44
    9
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  • 3

    Hey Girl, You Hungry?

    Hey Girl, You Hungry? is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Half Baked Quotes
    Video: YouTube
    Kenny: Hey girl, you hungry?
    Overweight Woman: Fuck you, n****!
    39
    6
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  • 4

    Who's Coming With Me?

    Who's Coming With Me? is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Half Baked Quotes
    Video: YouTube
    Brian: I'm not gonna do what everyone thinks I'm gonna do and... flip out, man... all I wanna know is one thing... who's coming with me?
    25
    5
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