Alan: "Counting cards is a foolproof system."
Stu: "It's also illegal."
Alan: "It's not illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane."
Phil: "I'm pretty sure that's illegal, too."
Alan: "Maybe since 9/11 when everyone got so sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!"
Alan: "Four of us wolves, wandering the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine."In this scene, Alan delivers a heartfelt speech that is filled with love for his wolf pack of four.
Officer Franklin: "Not you, fat Jesus."In this scene, Officer Franklin calls Alan an overweight Jesus, which was obviously insult.
Phil: "The Best Little Chapel, do you know where that is?"
Dr. Valsh: "I do. It's at the corner of get a map and f**k off. I'm a doctor, not a tour guide."