Alan: "Counting cards is a foolproof system."
Stu: "It's also illegal."
Alan: "It's not illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane."
Phil: "I'm pretty sure that's illegal, too."
Alan: "Maybe since 9/11 when everyone got so sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!"
Alan: "Four of us wolves, wandering the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine."In this scene, Alan delivers a heartfelt speech that is filled with love for his wolf pack of four.
Phil: "You're not really wearing that are you?"
Alan: "Wearing what?"
Phil: "The man purse. You actually gonna wear that or are you guys just f**kin' with me?"
Alan: "It's where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."
Phil: "So does Joy Behar."
Phil: "Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice."How would you react if you woke up to a obviously hungover Alan walking around pantless? You'd probably ask him to put pants on too. Or at least shorts.