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The Best Mallrats Quotes

Updated June 13, 2018 10.3k views46 items

Mallrats quotes are certainly quotable for movie fans. These are some of the best quotes from Mallrats, as determined by you and your votes. Released on October 20, 1995, Mallrats was the second film in Kevin Smith's View Askewniverse series following 1994's Clerks. In Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob of course appear, supporting the main characters of Brodie Bruce and T.S. Quint, who try and deal with their individual breakups with their girlfriends (on the same day). Mallrats starred Jeremy London, Jason Lee, and Shannon Doherty.  

What are the best Mallrats quotes? Do you like Brodie's "The usual vault rules apply: Touch not, lest ye be touched."? Or do you like some of the lesser known lines from the film? Let it be known. Vote for your top Mallrats quotes and watch them rise to the top of the list.

  • Brodie: You have my Punisher War Journal #6, my copy of "Fletch" and the remote control to my TV. Now, I know it's going to be hard to give this stuff up because of it's sentimental attachment--
    Rene: Sentimental attachment? Look, if I have any of that crap it's because you brought it over to my house and left it there.
    Brodie: Okay, then let's talk about coming up with a schedule for visitation rights.
    Rene: For what?
    Brodie: For the mall. I figure you can take the odd days, I'll take the even days and weekends. When there's any special feature like a sidewalk sale--
    Rene: Brodie, Brodie--
    Brodie: --or a boat show--
    Rene: Brodie! I've always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday, when you asked me to do a striptease to the theme of "Mighty Mouse", I said "Okay". When we were at that hotel prom night and you asked me to sleep under the bed in case your mother burst in, I did it. And even when we were at my grandmother's funeral when you told most of my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let it slide. [Grabs Brodie by the ear] But if you think I'm gonna suffer any more of your shit with a smile now that we're broken up, you're in for some serious fucking disappointment.
    • Brodie: I took you shopping all the time!
      Rene: You took me where you went shopping, you jerk! You think I care what store in that shit pit dirt mall has the latest Godzilla bootlegs? Do you call eating pizza in the same dive pizzeria every night eating out? Do I give a shit what two comic labels are crossing over characters, selling two editions of the book in varied-ink chromium covers?! I'm a girl, damn it! I wanna do girly things!
      • Willam: Brenda?
        Rene: Dick!
        • Brodie: My grandmother always said "Why buy the cow, when you can get the sex for free?"
          T.S.: She did?
          Brodie: All the time. Of course, she became a lesbian on her 60th birthday, but that's besides the point.