My Cousin Vinny quotes are certainly quotable for movie fans. These are some of the best quotes from the comedy My Cousin Vinny as determined by you and your votes. Directed by Johnathan Lynn, the film centers on a New York lawyer (who recently, finally, passed the bar exam) who travels to rural Alabama to defend his cousin and his friend who are on trial for murder. Released on March 13, 1992, the tagline quote for My Cousin Vinny was "A Comedy of Trial and Error." My Cousin Vinny starred Joe Pesci as Vinny and Marisa Tomei as Mona Lisa Vito; Tomei won the 1993 Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her portrayal.
What are the best My Cousin Vinny quotes? Do you like Ms. Vito's testimony: "The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can't make those marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark!"? Or do you like some of the lesser known lines from the film? Let it be known. The film's funny quotes, dramatic quotes, poignant quotes, and more. Vote for your top My Cousin Vinny quotes and watch them rise to the top of the list.
Mona Lisa: What?
Vinny: Nothing, you stick out like a sore thumb around here.
Mona Lisa: Me? What about you?
Vinny: I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.
Mona Lisa: Oh, yeah, you blend.
Bag O' Donuts
Guard: Here. Got somebody for you. (Vinny slips guard a 'tip', and enters the cell)
Vinny: You must be Stan, how you doin.
Stan: Why'd they bring you in here?
Vinny: Well I just got in. I asked where the new guys were, and they brought me in here. Hey, sleeping, huh? Cute little guy. You know, maybe I should start with you. Let him sleep a little bit.
Stan: I don't wanna do this.
[Stan thinks Vinny, his attorney, is a new cellmate intent on sodomizing him.]
Vinny: Hey, I don't blame you. If I was in your situation, I'd want to get through this whole thing as quickly, and with as little pain as possible. So, you know, let's try our best to make this a simple, in-and-out procedure. What's the matter? Hey relax, relax. You know, maybe we should spend a couple minutes together. You know, to get acquainted before we uh, you know, before we get to it. What's wrong with you?
Stan: I don't wanna do this.
Vinny: I understand, but you know, what are your alternatives?
Stan: My alternatives? To what, to you? I don't know, suicide, death...
Vinny: Look, it's either me or them. You're getting fucked one way or the other. (Stan tries to get up) Hey, lighten up. Don't worry, I'm gonna help you.
Stan: Gee, thanks.
Vinny: Excuse me, but I think a modicum of gratitude would not be out of line here.
Stan: You think I should be grateful?
Vinny: Yeah, it's your ass, not mine. I think you should be grateful. I think you should be down on your fucking knees.
Stan: I'm sorry I didn't know it was such an honor to get a visit from you.
Vinny: Hey I'm doing a favor here, you know. You're getting me for nothing, you little fuck.
Stan: Boy, that's one hell of an ego you got.
Vinny: What the fuck is your problem? I did not come down here just to get jerked off.
Stan: No. No, no. I'm not jerking you off. I'm not doing anything.
Vinny: That's it. You're on your own. I'll just take care of Sleeping Beauty.
[Wakes up Bill]
Bill: Vinny. Vinny, bag o' donuts.
Dead-On Balls Accurate
Vinny: Is that a drip I hear?
Mona Lisa: Yeah.
Vinny: Weren't you the last one to use the bathroom?
Mona Lisa: So?
Vinny: Well, did you use the faucet?
Mona Lisa: Yeah.
Vinny: Why didn't you turn it off?
Mona Lisa: I did turn it off.
Vinny: Well, if you turned it off, why am I listening to it?
Mona Lisa: Did it ever occur to you that it could be turned off and drip at the same time?
Vinny: No, because if you turned it off, it wouldn't drip.
Mona Lisa: Maybe it's broken.
Vinny: Is that what you're saying? It's broken?
Mona Lisa: Yeah, that's it; it's broken.
Vinny: You sure?
Mona Lisa: I'm positive.
Vinny: Maybe you didn't twist it hard enough.
Mona Lisa: I twisted it just right.
Vinny: How can you be so sure?
Mona Lisa: If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10-16 foot pounds of torque. I routinely twist the maximum allowable torquage.
Vinny: How can you be sure you used 16 foot pounds of torque?
Mona Lisa: Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 Laboratory edition, signature series torque wrench. The kind used by Cal Tech High Energy physicists, and NASA engineers.
Vinny: In that case, how can you be sure that's accurate?
Mona Lisa: Because a split second before the torque wrench was applied to the faucet handle, it had been calibrated by top members of the state and federal Departments of Weights and Measures, to be dead-on balls accurate. Here's the certificate of validation.
Vinny: "Dead-on balls accurate"?
Mona Lisa: It's an industry term.
Vinny: I guess the fucking thing is broken.
Vinny: My clients were caught completely by surprise. They thought they were getting arrested for shoplifting a can of tuna.
Judge Haller: What are you telling me? That they plead not guilty?
Vinny: No. I'm just trying to explain.
Judge Haller: I don't want to hear explanations. The state of Alabama has a procedure. And that procedure is to have an arraignment. Are we clear on this?
Vinny: Yes, but there seems to be a great deal of confusion here. You see, my clients--
Judge Haller: Uh, Mr. Gambini? (motions for him to approach the bench) All I ask from you is a very simple answer to a very simple question. There are only two ways to answer it: guilty or not guilty.
Vinny: But your honor, my clients didn't do anything.
Judge Haller: Once again, the communication process is broken down. It appears to me that you want to skip the arraignment process, go directly to trial, skip that, and get a dismissal. Well, I'm not about to revamp the entire judicial process just because you find yourself in the unique position of defending clients who say they didn't do it. The next words out of your mouth better be "guilty" or "not guilty." I don't want to hear commentary, argument, or opinion. If I hear anything other than "guilty" or "not guilty", you'll be in contempt. I don't even want to hear you clear your throat. Now, (enunciating) how do your clients plead?
Vinny: (enunciating) I think I get the point.
Judge Haller: No, I don't think you do. You're now in contempt of court. Would you like to go for two counts of contempt?
Vinny: Not guilty.
Judge Haller: Thank you.