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The Best 'My Cousin Vinny' Quotes

Updated May 7, 2020 468 votes 218 voters 52.1k views21 items

My Cousin Vinny quotes are certainly quotable for movie fans. These are some of the best quotes from the comedy My Cousin Vinny as determined by you and your votes. Directed by Jonathan Lynn, the film centers on a New York lawyer (who recently, finally, passed the bar exam) who travels to rural Alabama to defend his cousin and his friend who are on trial for murder. Released on March 13, 1992, the tagline quote for My Cousin Vinny was "A Comedy of Trial and Error." My Cousin Vinny starred Joe Pesci as Vinny and Marisa Tomei as Mona Lisa Vito; Tomei won the 1993 Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her portrayal. Fred Gwynne was also memorable as the judge in My Cousin Vinny.

What are the best My Cousin Vinny quotes? Do you like Mona Lisa Vito's testimony: "The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can't make those marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark!"? Or do you like some of the lesser known lines from the film? Let it be known. Then you can even peek behind the scenes to discover how the legendary "two yutes" line came to be.

The film's funny quotes, dramatic quotes, poignant quotes, and more. Vote for your top My Cousin Vinny quotes and watch them rise to the top of the list.

  • Video: YouTube
    Vinny: Is it possible that the two youts--
    Judge Haller: Uh, the two what? Uh, uh, what was that word?
    Vinny: Uh, what word?
    Judge Haller: Two what?
    Vinny: What?
    Judge Haller: Did you say "yutes"?
    Vinny: Yeah, two youts.
    Judge Haller: What is a yute?
    Vinny: Oh, excuse me, Your Honor, two youths.
  • Video: YouTube
    [Vinny is trying to dress properly for a hunting trip]
    Vinny: What about these pants I got on? You think they're okay? Ho!
    Mona Lisa: Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water...bam! A fucking bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now, I ask ya, would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?!
  • Photo: Metaweb / CC-BY
    Vinny: Ms. Vito, you're supposed to be some kinda expert in automobiles, is that correct? Is that correct?
    Judge Haller: Would you please answer the counselor's question?
    Lisa: No, I hate him.
    Vinny: Your Honor, may I ask your permission to treat Ms Veto as a hostile witness?
    Mona Lisa: You think I'm hostile now? Wait till you see me tonight.
    Judge Haller: Do you two know each other?
    Vinny: Yeah, she's my fiancée.
    Judge Haller: Well, that would certainly explain the hostility.
  • Video: YouTube
    Vinny: Hey, Vincent LaGuardia Gambini--
    Lisa: His name's J.T.
    Vinny: J.T., I believe you and Lisa played a game of pool for two hundred dollars, which she won; I'm here to collect.
    J.T.: How 'bout if I just kick your ass?
    Vinny: Oh, a counteroffer. That's what we lawyers, I'm a lawyer, call that a counteroffer. Let me see, this is a tough decision you're giving me here. Get my ass kicked or collect two hundred dollars. Hmm, let me think. I could use a good ass kicking, I'll be very honest with you. Nah, I think I'll just go with the two hundred.
    [The people in the room laugh]
    J.T.: Over my dead body.
    Vinny: You like to renegotiate as you go along, huh? Okay then, here's my counteroffer: do I have to kill you? What if I were just to kick the ever-loving shit out of you?
    J.T.: In your dreams.
    Vinny: Oh, no, no, in reality. If I was to kick the shit outta ya, do I get the money?
    JT: (contemplates this) If you kick the shit outta me...
    Vinny: Yeah?
    J.T.: ...then you get the money.
    [Some people weakly laugh. Vinny looks at a guy who's in a neck brace.]
    Vinny: What happened? Rear-ended?
    Guy: No, I fell.
    Vinny: Oh. Okay, lets see if we agree on the terms. The choice now is: I get my ass kicked, or, option B: I kick your ass, and collect the $200. I'm goin with option B, (takes his coat off) kicking your ass and collectin' two-hundred dollars.
    J.T.: Are we gonna fight now?
    Vinny: Yeah, first let me see the money.
    J.T.: I have the money.
    Vinny: All right, show it to me.
    J.T.: I can get it.
    Vinny: You can get it? All right, go get it. Then we'll fight.