TV quotes The Funniest Ron Swanson Quotes  

Movie and TV Quotes
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Ron Swanson, the bacon-loving, pyramid-touting boss on NBC's hilarious sitcom Parks and Recreation, has GOT to be one of the funniest and most quotable characters ever on television. Looking for the funniest Ron Swanson quotes? You've come to the right place. Nick Offerman's portrayal of the (let's face it) totally moronic Ron Swanson brings big laughs for fans of the show. And if you aren't a fan - become one. Now.

What are some of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes? This list will give you some insight to TV's favorite Libertarian. His quotes about the outdoors, government and of course, his love for all things red meat have made Parks & Rec fans chuckle for years. 

Without furtherr ado, we present some nuggets of wisdom from Ron Swanson, via his often disturbing and hysterically funny quotes!

For more fans of small government, here's Ranker user Mr Porcupine's List of Libertarian Celebrities.
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The Food My Food Eats


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"There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats."  

There need not be any 'vegetables' on the menu, even at a wedding. Unless of course a gerbil is marrying a rabbit.
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Getting a Little Chummy


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"Ann was getting a little chummy. When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name, to let them know I don't really care about them." 

How Ron keeps his work associates at a distance. Constant vigilance.
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Hospital Form


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"How many Drinks of Alcohol do you consume a week?" 
"One"
"That's it one drink? 
"One Shelf." 
"Do you exercise?"  
"Yes, Lovemaking and Woodworking." 
"Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?"  
"I have an uncle who does yoga."  
"Allergies?"  
"Cowardice and Weak Willed Men... and Hazelnuts" 
"Sexual History?"  
"Epic. and Private."
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Teach a Man to Fish


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Ron: "I am only here because I owe Leslie a thousand favors. I'm not big on charities. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard."

Such a generous man, our Ron Swanson. A true American hero!