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The Funniest Ron Swanson Quotes

Ron Swanson, the bacon-loving, pyramid-touting boss on NBC's hilarious sitcom Parks and Recreation, has GOT to be one of the funniest and most quotable characters ever on television. Looking for the funniest Ron Swanson quotes? You've come to the right place. Nick Offerman's portrayal of Ron Swanson brings big laughs for fans of the show. And if you aren't a fan - become one. Now.

What are some of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes? This list will give you some insight to TV's favorite libertarian. His quotes about the outdoors, government and of course, his love for all things red meat have made Parks & Rec fans chuckle for years. 

Without furtherr ado, we present some nuggets of wisdom from Ron Swanson, via his often disturbing and hysterically funny quotes.

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  • 1
    210 VOTES

    The Food My Food Eats

    Video: YouTube

    "There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats."  

    There need not be any 'vegetables' on the menu, even at a wedding. Unless of course a gerbil is marrying a rabbit.
    192
    18
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  • 2
    286 VOTES

    Hospital Form

    Video: YouTube
    "How many Drinks of Alcohol do you consume a week?" 
    "One"
    "That's it one drink? 
    "One Shelf." 
    "Do you exercise?"  
    "Yes, Lovemaking and Woodworking." 
    "Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?"  
    "I have an uncle who does yoga."  
    "Allergies?"  
    "Cowardice and Weak Willed Men... and Hazelnuts" 
    "Sexual History?"  
    "Epic. and Private."
    258
    28
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  • 3
    149 VOTES

    Helping, To Do Nothing

    Video: YouTube

    "Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I'd choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night, if it meant nothing got done." 

    Ron has very strong beliefs about the value of nothing, and helping those achieve it by doing something.
    135
    14
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  • 4
    165 VOTES

    On Knowing Co-Workers

    Photo: Wikimedia Commons / CC-BY

    Ron: "The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."

    Ron Swanson: He cares about his co-workers. As long as they don't beat him in Scrabble...
    149
    16
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