Comedy The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes  

Desertrat89
4.4k votes 598 voters 49.2k views 53 items

Seinfeld is arguably one of the funniest sitcoms ever, and inarguably one of the best quote-able comedies of all time. I put together a small sampling of some of the best quotes on the show, and yes, it is missing a LOT... because, come on. I have a job. (But I did manage to put in the ones I love the most that I could remember.) So, please, add your favorite quotes to the list and vote on the ones that are the best, most iconic, greatest quotes of the show's history. It's hard, I know, because so much of the funniest stuff is full bits... but if you want, go ahead and add those. Your discretion. Just the funniest, most hilariously funny stuff from Seinfeld is the only rule!

Check out more lists like all of the greatest TV shows ever made, the most hilarious TV shows and the best British TV shows
list ordered by

1
169 46
Looking at cleavage is like lo... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

2
183 53
The sea was angry that day my ... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

3
162 44
Jerry, just remember, it's not... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

4
138 38
When you look annoyed all the ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

5
125 35
No Soup for You is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
udontneedtoknowmyname added

6
115 30
Boy, these pretzels are makin'... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

7
81 17
Hello, Newman. is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Jerry

8
106 31
I have a bad feeling that when... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

9
79 17
SERENITY NOW! is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
taichungcanuck added Frank Costanza

10
108 33
You know the message you're se... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

11
71 14
We're Not Gay. Not That There'... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

12
90 30
You're killing independent Geo... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

13
93 32
I need the secure packaging of... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

14
90 32
You know I always wanted to pr... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

15
81 28
Ranker Video
birdiejay23 added "Kramer"

16
62 18
They're Real.....and They're S... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
falsedawn added "Teri Hatcher"
 

17
74 26
I'm much more comfortable crit... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

18
90 37
Yada yada yada is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

19
35 5
Ranker Video

20
53 17
He's a re-gifter. is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Elaine

21
54 19
She has man hands. is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Jerry

22
65 30
Elaine, breaking up is like kn... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

23
54 22
Why should I hire you to be my... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

24
40 12
Worlds are colliding. is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added George

25
62 29
You should've seen her face. I... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

26
63 30
Did you know that the original... is listed (or ranked) 26 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

27
56 26
I can't go to a bad movie by m... is listed (or ranked) 27 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

28
50 24
Every instinct I have, in ever... is listed (or ranked) 28 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

29
25 5
when you control the mail you ... is listed (or ranked) 29 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

30
48 24
I hate asking for change. They... is listed (or ranked) 30 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

31
34 13
He's a close talker. is listed (or ranked) 31 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Elaine

32
51 27
People don't just bump into ea... is listed (or ranked) 32 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

33
42 20
I want to be the one person wh... is listed (or ranked) 33 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

34
58 33
Dolores! is listed (or ranked) 34 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
jr4150 added "Jerry"

35
29 10
He took it out. is listed (or ranked) 35 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
woogyjones50 added

36
48 28
You, my friend, have crossed t... is listed (or ranked) 36 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

37
35 18
Parking at a garage is like go... is listed (or ranked) 37 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

38
39 22
Nobody drives like me. Nobody.... is listed (or ranked) 38 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

39
37 21
That's the true spirit of Chri... is listed (or ranked) 39 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

40
34 21
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can... is listed (or ranked) 40 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

41
39 26
Do you ever get down on your k... is listed (or ranked) 41 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

42
13 3
Is not you, It´s me. Geo... is listed (or ranked) 42 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

43
33 26
Women don't respect salad eate... is listed (or ranked) 43 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

44
15 10
Sweet fancy Moses is listed (or ranked) 44 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
jdathenscsr added

45
27 25
Ranker Video

46
2 0
STELLA is listed (or ranked) 46 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
joshmayer added STELLA

Elaine

47
2 1
It's a Pig Man!! is listed (or ranked) 47 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
joshmayer added It's a Pig Man!!

Kramer

48
23 25
The carpet sweeper is the bigg... is listed (or ranked) 48 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

49
30 33
Look to the cookie, Elaine! is listed (or ranked) 49 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

50
1 2
It's a PIG MAN!!! is listed (or ranked) 50 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
joshmayer added It's a PIG MAN!!!

Kramer