Comedy The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes  

Desertrat89
4.5k votes 619 voters 49.9k views 53 items

Seinfeld is arguably one of the funniest sitcoms ever, and inarguably one of the best quote-able comedies of all time. I put together a small sampling of some of the best quotes on the show, and yes, it is missing a LOT... because, come on. I have a job. (But I did manage to put in the ones I love the most that I could remember.) So, please, add your favorite quotes to the list and vote on the ones that are the best, most iconic, greatest quotes of the show's history. It's hard, I know, because so much of the funniest stuff is full bits... but if you want, go ahead and add those. Your discretion. Just the funniest, most hilariously funny stuff from Seinfeld is the only rule!

Check out more lists like all of the greatest TV shows ever made, the most hilarious TV shows and the best British TV shows
list ordered by

1
171 46
Jerry, just remember, it's not... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

2
176 49
Looking at cleavage is like lo... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

3
188 56
The sea was angry that day my ... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

4
143 39
When you look annoyed all the ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

5
122 32
Boy, these pretzels are makin'... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

6
132 37
No Soup for You is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
udontneedtoknowmyname added

7
87 17
Hello, Newman. is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Jerry

8
86 18
SERENITY NOW! is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
taichungcanuck added Frank Costanza

9
113 33
You know the message you're se... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

10
110 32
I have a bad feeling that when... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

11
74 16
We're Not Gay. Not That There'... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

12
98 32
I need the secure packaging of... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

13
40 5
Ranker Video

14
94 32
You're killing independent Geo... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

15
87 28
Ranker Video
birdiejay23 added "Kramer"

16
93 34
You know I always wanted to pr... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

17
95 38
Yada yada yada is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

18
65 19
They're Real.....and They're S... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
falsedawn added "Teri Hatcher"
 

19
77 28
I'm much more comfortable crit... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

20
55 18
He's a re-gifter. is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Elaine

21
56 20
She has man hands. is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Jerry

22
67 31
Elaine, breaking up is like kn... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

23
56 23
Why should I hire you to be my... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

24
59 26
I can't go to a bad movie by m... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

25
63 30
You should've seen her face. I... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

26
64 31
Did you know that the original... is listed (or ranked) 26 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

27
40 14
Worlds are colliding. is listed (or ranked) 27 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added George

28
51 24
Every instinct I have, in ever... is listed (or ranked) 28 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

29
26 5
when you control the mail you ... is listed (or ranked) 29 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

30
50 24
I hate asking for change. They... is listed (or ranked) 30 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

31
35 13
He's a close talker. is listed (or ranked) 31 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Elaine

32
52 27
People don't just bump into ea... is listed (or ranked) 32 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

33
43 20
I want to be the one person wh... is listed (or ranked) 33 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

34
60 34
Dolores! is listed (or ranked) 34 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
jr4150 added "Jerry"

35
31 11
He took it out. is listed (or ranked) 35 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
woogyjones50 added

36
49 28
You, my friend, have crossed t... is listed (or ranked) 36 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

37
37 18
Parking at a garage is like go... is listed (or ranked) 37 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

38
38 21
That's the true spirit of Chri... is listed (or ranked) 38 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

39
39 23
Nobody drives like me. Nobody.... is listed (or ranked) 39 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

40
35 21
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can... is listed (or ranked) 40 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

41
14 3
Is not you, It´s me. Geo... is listed (or ranked) 41 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

42
39 27
Do you ever get down on your k... is listed (or ranked) 42 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

43
34 26
Women don't respect salad eate... is listed (or ranked) 43 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

44
17 10
Sweet fancy Moses is listed (or ranked) 44 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
jdathenscsr added

45
28 25
Ranker Video

46
3 1
STELLA is listed (or ranked) 46 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
joshmayer added STELLA

Elaine

47
23 25
The carpet sweeper is the bigg... is listed (or ranked) 47 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

48
2 2
It's a Pig Man!! is listed (or ranked) 48 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
joshmayer added It's a Pig Man!!

Kramer

49
30 34
Look to the cookie, Elaine! is listed (or ranked) 49 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

50
25 30
My friend Jay Reimenschneider ... is listed (or ranked) 50 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes