Comedy The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes  

Desertrat89
4.2k votes 569 voters 48.1k views 53 items

Seinfeld is arguably one of the funniest sitcoms ever, and inarguably one of the best quote-able comedies of all time. I put together a small sampling of some of the best quotes on the show, and yes, it is missing a LOT... because, come on. I have a job. (But I did manage to put in the ones I love the most that I could remember.) So, please, add your favorite quotes to the list and vote on the ones that are the best, most iconic, greatest quotes of the show's history. It's hard, I know, because so much of the funniest stuff is full bits... but if you want, go ahead and add those. Your discretion. Just the funniest, most hilariously funny stuff from Seinfeld is the only rule!

Check out more lists like all of the greatest TV shows ever made, the most hilarious TV shows and the best British TV shows

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Jerry, just remember, it's not... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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The sea was angry that day my ... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Looking at cleavage is like lo... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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When you look annoyed all the ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Boy, these pretzels are makin'... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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No Soup for You is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
udontneedtoknowmyname added No Soup for You

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Hello, Newman. is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Hello, Newman. Jerry

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I have a bad feeling that when... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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You know the message you're se... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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SERENITY NOW! is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
taichungcanuck added SERENITY NOW! Frank Costanza

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We're Not Gay. Not That There'... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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I need the secure packaging of... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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You're killing independent Geo... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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You know I always wanted to pr... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Ranker Video
birdiejay23 added I'm Out "Kramer"

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I'm much more comfortable crit... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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They're Real.....and They're S... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
falsedawn added They're Real.....and They're Spectacular! "Teri Hatcher"  

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Yada yada yada is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Did you know that the original... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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He's a re-gifter. is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added He's a re-gifter. Elaine

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Ranker Video

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She has man hands. is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added She has man hands. Jerry

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Worlds are colliding. is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Worlds are colliding. George

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Elaine, breaking up is like kn... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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You should've seen her face. I... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Why should I hire you to be my... is listed (or ranked) 26 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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I can't go to a bad movie by m... is listed (or ranked) 27 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Every instinct I have, in ever... is listed (or ranked) 28 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Dolores! is listed (or ranked) 29 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
jr4150 added Dolores! "Jerry"

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when you control the mail you ... is listed (or ranked) 30 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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I hate asking for change. They... is listed (or ranked) 31 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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He's a close talker. is listed (or ranked) 32 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added He's a close talker. Elaine

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People don't just bump into ea... is listed (or ranked) 33 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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He took it out. is listed (or ranked) 34 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
woogyjones50 added He took it out.

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I want to be the one person wh... is listed (or ranked) 35 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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You, my friend, have crossed t... is listed (or ranked) 36 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Parking at a garage is like go... is listed (or ranked) 37 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Nobody drives like me. Nobody.... is listed (or ranked) 38 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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That's the true spirit of Chri... is listed (or ranked) 39 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Do you ever get down on your k... is listed (or ranked) 40 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Is not you, It´s me. Geo... is listed (or ranked) 41 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can... is listed (or ranked) 42 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Women don't respect salad eate... is listed (or ranked) 43 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Sweet fancy Moses is listed (or ranked) 44 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
jdathenscsr added Sweet fancy Moses

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Ranker Video

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Look to the cookie, Elaine! is listed (or ranked) 46 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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STELLA is listed (or ranked) 47 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
joshmayer added STELLA Elaine

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It's a PIG MAN!!! is listed (or ranked) 48 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
joshmayer added It's a PIG MAN!!! Kramer

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It's a Pig Man!! is listed (or ranked) 49 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
joshmayer added It's a Pig Man!! Kramer

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The carpet sweeper is the bigg... is listed (or ranked) 50 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes