comedy The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes  

Desertrat89
3.9k votes 510 voters 46.1k views 50 items

Seinfeld is arguably one of the funniest sitcoms ever, and inarguably one of the best quote-able comedies of all time. I put together a small sampling of some of the best quotes on the show, and yes, it is missing a LOT... because, come on. I have a job. (But I did manage to put in the ones I love the most that I could remember.) So, please, add your favorite quotes to the list and vote on the ones that are the best, most iconic, greatest quotes of the show's history. It's hard, I know, because so much of the funniest stuff is full bits... but if you want, go ahead and add those. Your discretion. Just the funniest, most hilariously funny stuff from Seinfeld is the only rule!

Check out more lists like all of the greatest TV shows ever made, the most hilarious TV shows and the best British TV shows
list ordered by

1
165 45
The sea was angry that day my ... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

2
153 42
Looking at cleavage is like lo... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

3
146 39
Jerry, just remember, it's not... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

4
127 31
When you look annoyed all the ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

5
100 27
Boy, these pretzels are makin'... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

6
107 32
No Soup for You is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
udontneedtoknowmyname added No Soup for You

7
98 29
You know the message you're se... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

8
93 28
I have a bad feeling that when... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

9
67 15
Hello, Newman. is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Hello, Newman. Jerry

10
89 29
I need the secure packaging of... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

11
86 28
You're killing independent Geo... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

12
66 17
SERENITY NOW! is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
taichungcanuck added SERENITY NOW! Frank Costanza

13
58 13
We're Not Gay. Not That There'... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

14
83 29
You know I always wanted to pr... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

The Best Seinfeld Characters

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75 26
Ranker Video
birdiejay23 added I'm Out "Kramer"

16
64 24
I'm much more comfortable crit... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

17
54 18
They're Real.....and They're S... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
falsedawn added They're Real.....and They're Spectacular! "Teri Hatcher"  

18
78 36
Yada yada yada is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

19
60 26
Elaine, breaking up is like kn... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

20
60 26
Did you know that the original... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

21
45 16
He's a re-gifter. is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added He's a re-gifter. Elaine

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46 17
She has man hands. is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added She has man hands. Jerry

23
56 26
You should've seen her face. I... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

24
35 11
Worlds are colliding. is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Worlds are colliding. George

25
47 21
Why should I hire you to be my... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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26 5
Ranker Video

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49 25
People don't just bump into ea... is listed (or ranked) 27 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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49 25
I can't go to a bad movie by m... is listed (or ranked) 28 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

The Funniest TV Characters of All Time

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46 23
Every instinct I have, in ever... is listed (or ranked) 29 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

30
46 23
I hate asking for change. They... is listed (or ranked) 30 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

31
31 12
He's a close talker. is listed (or ranked) 31 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added He's a close talker. Elaine

32
54 32
Dolores! is listed (or ranked) 32 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
jr4150 added Dolores! "Jerry"

33
21 5
when you control the mail you ... is listed (or ranked) 33 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

34
24 8
He took it out. is listed (or ranked) 34 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
woogyjones50 added He took it out.

35
47 28
You, my friend, have crossed t... is listed (or ranked) 35 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

The 7 Greatest (True) Johnny Depp Stories Ever Told

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37 20
I want to be the one person wh... is listed (or ranked) 36 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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32 18
Parking at a garage is like go... is listed (or ranked) 37 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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34 21
That's the true spirit of Chri... is listed (or ranked) 38 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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35 22
Nobody drives like me. Nobody.... is listed (or ranked) 39 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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37 26
Do you ever get down on your k... is listed (or ranked) 40 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

41
10 3
Is not you, It´s me. Geo... is listed (or ranked) 41 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

42
27 21
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can... is listed (or ranked) 42 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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30 25
Women don't respect salad eate... is listed (or ranked) 43 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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14 9
Sweet fancy Moses is listed (or ranked) 44 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
jdathenscsr added Sweet fancy Moses

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27 25
Ranker Video

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30 30
Look to the cookie, Elaine! is listed (or ranked) 46 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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21 25
The carpet sweeper is the bigg... is listed (or ranked) 47 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

48
23 28
My friend Jay Reimenschneider ... is listed (or ranked) 48 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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18 26
You are way past the phone cal... is listed (or ranked) 49 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

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Ranker Video
slaft added My wallets gone Morty