Comedy The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes  

Desertrat89
4.4k votes 606 voters 49.6k views 53 items

Seinfeld is arguably one of the funniest sitcoms ever, and inarguably one of the best quote-able comedies of all time. I put together a small sampling of some of the best quotes on the show, and yes, it is missing a LOT... because, come on. I have a job. (But I did manage to put in the ones I love the most that I could remember.) So, please, add your favorite quotes to the list and vote on the ones that are the best, most iconic, greatest quotes of the show's history. It's hard, I know, because so much of the funniest stuff is full bits... but if you want, go ahead and add those. Your discretion. Just the funniest, most hilariously funny stuff from Seinfeld is the only rule!

Check out more lists like all of the greatest TV shows ever made, the most hilarious TV shows and the best British TV shows
list ordered by

1
165 44
Jerry, just remember, it's not... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

2
171 47
Looking at cleavage is like lo... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

3
183 55
The sea was angry that day my ... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

4
139 38
When you look annoyed all the ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

5
127 36
No Soup for You is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
udontneedtoknowmyname added

6
116 31
Boy, these pretzels are makin'... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

7
82 17
Hello, Newman. is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Jerry

8
108 31
I have a bad feeling that when... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

9
109 33
You know the message you're se... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

10
80 18
SERENITY NOW! is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
taichungcanuck added Frank Costanza

11
72 14
We're Not Gay. Not That There'... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

12
92 30
You're killing independent Geo... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

13
95 32
I need the secure packaging of... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

14
82 28
Ranker Video
birdiejay23 added "Kramer"

15
90 33
You know I always wanted to pr... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

16
75 26
I'm much more comfortable crit... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

17
92 37
Yada yada yada is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

18
36 5
Ranker Video

19
62 19
They're Real.....and They're S... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
falsedawn added "Teri Hatcher"
 

20
54 17
He's a re-gifter. is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Elaine

21
55 19
She has man hands. is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Jerry

22
66 30
Elaine, breaking up is like kn... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

23
63 29
You should've seen her face. I... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

24
54 23
Why should I hire you to be my... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

25
40 13
Worlds are colliding. is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added George

26
57 26
I can't go to a bad movie by m... is listed (or ranked) 26 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

27
63 31
Did you know that the original... is listed (or ranked) 27 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

28
51 24
Every instinct I have, in ever... is listed (or ranked) 28 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

29
26 5
when you control the mail you ... is listed (or ranked) 29 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

30
49 24
I hate asking for change. They... is listed (or ranked) 30 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

31
35 13
He's a close talker. is listed (or ranked) 31 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
looksharp added Elaine

32
52 27
People don't just bump into ea... is listed (or ranked) 32 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

33
43 20
I want to be the one person wh... is listed (or ranked) 33 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

34
58 34
Dolores! is listed (or ranked) 34 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
jr4150 added "Jerry"

35
29 11
He took it out. is listed (or ranked) 35 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
woogyjones50 added

36
49 28
You, my friend, have crossed t... is listed (or ranked) 36 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

37
36 18
Parking at a garage is like go... is listed (or ranked) 37 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

38
38 21
That's the true spirit of Chri... is listed (or ranked) 38 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

39
39 23
Nobody drives like me. Nobody.... is listed (or ranked) 39 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

40
35 21
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can... is listed (or ranked) 40 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

41
14 3
Is not you, It´s me. Geo... is listed (or ranked) 41 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

42
39 27
Do you ever get down on your k... is listed (or ranked) 42 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

43
34 26
Women don't respect salad eate... is listed (or ranked) 43 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

44
16 10
Sweet fancy Moses is listed (or ranked) 44 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
jdathenscsr added

45
28 25
Ranker Video

46
2 1
STELLA is listed (or ranked) 46 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
joshmayer added STELLA

Elaine

47
23 25
The carpet sweeper is the bigg... is listed (or ranked) 47 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

48
2 2
It's a Pig Man!! is listed (or ranked) 48 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes
joshmayer added It's a Pig Man!!

Kramer

49
30 34
Look to the cookie, Elaine! is listed (or ranked) 49 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

50
25 30
My friend Jay Reimenschneider ... is listed (or ranked) 50 on the list The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes