Internet
51.9k readers

The Most Epic Yelp Reviews

Updated August 18, 2020 51.9k views10 items

Everyone has an opinion, but as is hilariously obvious in these epic Yelp reviews for everything from restaurants, services and shows, some are much funnier, creepier, and more-nonsensical than others. From life-changing trips to the tailor to stories of teenage heartbreak to one man's unrelenting admiration for meat, these epic Yelp reviews are sure to get five stars.

For those unfamiliar with the site, Yelp combines the traditional information about businesses like address and telephone number with customer reviews. The majority of the reviews are honest and normal, though there are a few complete head-scratchers. Perhaps the funniest and most epic reviews come from instances where fictional places are reviewed or when the business owners fight back and yell at anyone who dares to say something negative.

What are the best Yelp reviews? Take a look at this list and you'll see for yourself.
  • La Donuts in Anaheim, CA

    Ever find yourself looking for a good donut shop in Anaheim, California, and stumble on hilarity? That's exactly the case at La Donuts, which was first reviewed by Cesar Z. in July 2008. Cesar reflects on visiting the shop while in junior high and crushing on the owner's daughter. Sadly, she got knocked up and he never saw her again. Reddit users got a hold of this Yelp review and finished the story for him, adding reviews from both the formerly pregnant girl and the baby daddy.

    Cesar Z.: "i really love this place. i have been going since it opened. i had the hugest crush on the daughter of the owner and i would come in after class when i was in jr high and try and talk to her. but the skate store next door opened up and all the skaters got to her and one of them got her pregnant. i never saw her again.
    oh yeah, the donuts and good and they will usually hook you up with a free donut to try."

    Whitney A.: "this place is great. i used to come here every morning before my shift at the skate shop next door, but then i had to go away for about nine months. when i came back, the doughnuts were just as delicious as before everything happened."

    Jake D.: "LOVE this place worked at the skate shop next door also w/ whitney but knocked her up and the owners daughter so i had to go away infinately. Wish someone would bring me back a donut."
  • Photo: Monaam Ben Fredj / Wikimedia Commons / CC BY-SA 4.0

    Eddie's Tailor Shop in Los Angeles, CA

    Mark Twain said the "clothes make the man," and this stellar review of Eddie's Tailor Shop in Los Angeles, California, proves just that. Hilton L. from Honolulu describes his life-altering experience at Eddie's, which involved a suit for a wedding, "slampieces," and the devil. Well done Eddie, well done.

    Hilton L.: "I'm not a tall dude. I bought a suit and that thing needed some tailoring, and quick because I had a wedding the next freakin' day.

    I brought it into Eddie's and they be doin' some freaky mad alterations, son. I came back to pick it up the next day and that shiznits was proper. I looked so good, I was about to ditch my woman to go trolling for some new slampieces.

    But a minute later, the newly tailored suit released its magical powers and restored my inner gentleman. So I rejected the devil's temptations, stayed with the love of my life, and went to the wedding, where I received many compliments and high fives.

    Thank you, Eddie. Thank you."
  • Rodizio Grill in Denver, CO

    What better for manly meat lovers than a swanky Brazilian grill serving meat by the masses? That's exactly what Rick L. found in his review of the Rodizio Grill in Denver, Colorado. See, Rick likes meat because Rick is a man. Rick keeps it simple, but also feels the need to tell us that he likes naked chicks and yelling "ooga." Rock on, Rick.

    Rick L.: "I like meat. They serve it here. I can have a lot of it. It is good. They also serve things I don't like. I don't have to eat those. Ham good. Ham better with pineapple. Vegetarians should call PETA. PETA should go get more chicks to pose naked in their ads. After I eat here I club girl over head and yell ooga. I am all that is man."
  • Atlas Purveyors in Boulder, CO

    Though listed as a resident of Boulder, Colorado, M S. had few nice things to say about the city and its "snooty" coffee shop and bakery Atlas Purveyors. In between calling out the cafe and locale as "annoying," M S. questioned why people enjoyed the shop, concluding that regulars must be smoking something.

    M S.: "Um. What are all of you people smoking? Oh yeah, it's Boulder so we all know what you're smoking. This place is everything that is annoying with Boulder.

    Snooty. Crowded. A place you would go to pick up someone instead of a bar because you're Boulder Chic.

    There is no where to sit in this joint. The feng shui is whack - you walk in and you're automatically put on the spot at the register. Everyone is crammed together at these little tables.

    Maybe everyone loves this place because they love to listen in on other people's conversations."