"I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too."And if Jay Leno wants to do it too, you're SOL. Unless you're Conan - then you just move to cable, keep being witty, and beat the crap out of Leno in the ratings.
"The other day, New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg criticized the Church of Scientology, saying the religion doesn't make sense. In response, a furious Tom Cruise said, 'Cupcakes, Zipper, Armadillo."Lots of jokes about Scientology, but few as funny as Conan's.
"Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!"Great idea. Companies aren't immune from being the butt of Conan's monologue jokes - not even Starbucks.
On Glenn Beck
"Fox News host Glenn Beck has lost over 30 sponsors since he called President Obama a racist. And the latest sponsor that he just lost is Clorox bleach. That's amazing. Even a company whose sole purpose is to make things whiter thinks Glenn Beck has gone too far."Conan never, ever, misses an opportunity to skewer public figures - and he does it with intelligence and humor, a rare combination.