TBS The Very Best Conan O'Brien Quotes  

Movie and TV Quotes
215 votes 67 voters 26.3k views 20 items
Conan O'Brien quotes highlight some of the brilliant late night TV host and writer's funniest jokes. Some quotes are more serious and introspective (many, not surprisingly, deal with overcoming disappointment), while others are true zingers aimed at everyone from political figures to corporations. Over the years, Conan O'Brien has provided faithful viewers with some classic comedic quotes - many in his hilarious monologues. His new documentary, 'Conan O'Brien Can't Stop,' also contains some absolute gems. Check out some of the best Conan O'Brien quotes here, and if you don't see your favorite, be sure to list it in the comments!
1 37 VOTES

On Goals


"I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too."

And if Jay Leno wants to do it too, you're SOL. Unless you're Conan - then you just move to cable, keep being witty, and beat the crap out of Leno in the ratings.
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2 16 VOTES

On Scientology


"The other day, New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg criticized the Church of Scientology, saying the religion doesn't make sense. In response, a furious Tom Cruise said, 'Cupcakes, Zipper, Armadillo."

Lots of jokes about Scientology, but few as funny as Conan's.
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3 18 VOTES

On Starbucks


"Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!"

Great idea. Companies aren't immune from being the butt of Conan's monologue jokes - not even Starbucks.
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4 22 VOTES

On Glenn Beck


"Fox News host Glenn Beck has lost over 30 sponsors since he called President Obama a racist. And the latest sponsor that he just lost is Clorox bleach. That's amazing. Even a company whose sole purpose is to make things whiter thinks Glenn Beck has gone too far."

Conan never, ever, misses an opportunity to skewer public figures - and he does it with intelligence and humor, a rare combination.
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