"I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too."And if Jay Leno wants to do it too, you're SOL. Unless you're Conan - then you just move to cable, keep being witty, and beat the crap out of Leno in the ratings.
"The other day, New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg criticized the Church of Scientology, saying the religion doesn't make sense. In response, a furious Tom Cruise said, 'Cupcakes, Zipper, Armadillo."Lots of jokes about Scientology, but few as funny as Conan's.
"Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!"Great idea. Companies aren't immune from being the butt of Conan's monologue jokes - not even Starbucks.
"I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality."Conan O'Brien delivered the commencement address at Dartmouth on June 12, 2011. He offered graduates truly insightful advice, drawing, of course, on his own experiences.