Have a baby or a toddler? If it's your first, you will soon be experiencing the wide and wonderful world of hateful, hateful toys that will inevitably make their hateful, hateful way into your home. I am sure that, 90% of the time, the people giving you these things just don't understand. I often wonder if the product development teams that make these things have a good laugh around the conference table when they are determining features. Sure, these bad baby toys might be loved by your kids (and probably just to spite you), but they will live in your nightmares, and some of these sounds will never leave you.
I believe I threw out a plastic banana and a piece of plastic toast only a few weeks ago (my kid is 9 years old). When they say 101 pieces, they aren't kidding. If you think any of those pieces of plastic are staying in one place, you have many years of disappointment ahead of you.
And that's before the choking hazards around younger siblings.
Many can agree Elmo's voice is annoying. Now put its electronic version onto a toy that will activate by pressing buttons. (Little side note: babies love to press buttons. All the time. Over and over.) Make sure that whatever buttons they have available to them are either not annoying, not shrill, or not loud.
All the talking phones are bad. This particular phone puts them all to shame. Bonus horror: those eyes open when you flip the phone on.
Many of us might kind of remember how much fun Play-Doh was, but really: think back for a minute. How much fun was it? I mostly remember that the commercial seemed fun. But as a parent, Play-Doh is awful. First of all, it immediately — and I mean immediately — makes a mess. It gets into the carpet. It smears onto their clothes. And — if you have a toddler — odds are high they will eat it. I mean, it's colorful, and you can smash it into shapes that resemble candy. If you don't immediately restore it, it gets hard and unusable — and just imagine what it does when it turns hard and its still in your carpet or furniture. The play set is abhorrent for the simple reason that every kid wants it, and it is entertaining for approximately five minutes, leaving you with a lifetime of dried, encrusted Play-Doh in the cracks and crannies of your home.
You turn it on, the vacuum starts up and the balls come flying out the top. So many plastic balls! The baby loves it! Grab the balls, put them back in the slide, grab them when they come flying up! There goes one, skittering and rolling across the wood floors under the couch. And another! And another!
I am still finding those things whenever I move a bookshelf or pull back the couch. My chiropractor knows all about them from all time I needed my back snapped back into position from retrieving them from under everything.