21 Things Your Barista Secretly Wants You to Know  

Melissa Brinks
901 votes 160 voters 3.7k views 21 items

List Rules Vote up the most surprising things your barista really thinks.

If you've ever wondered what your barista really thinks, you're already a step ahead of most people. As anyone who's ever worked at a major coffee chain will tell you, many customers don't take the time to consider their baristas at all. Working with coffee can be a blast, and customer service can be a rewarding experience - but, as in any job, the longer someone spends at it, the more they have to bite their tongue at some of the ridiculous customer behavior they encounter. The secret things your barista wants you to know are quite different from what they actually say, because sometimes their thoughts could get them fired.

What coffee shop employees think of customers is not always negative; in fact, it's more frequently neutral or positive. But when they encounter an ignorant or rude customer, the interaction can leave a worse taste than a stale shot of espresso. Thankfully, there are ways to ensure every interaction you have with a barista is positive: be kind, don't be a cheapskate, and recognize that a their job is at least three times more grueling than you think it is, particularly when they're staring down caffeine-starved zombies all day.

list ordered by
I'm Only Smiling While You Hit On Me Because It's Literally My Job.
That Drink You Found On Pinterest Is Going To Be Disgusting.
No, I Didn't Deliberately Sabotage Your Drink, Because That Means More Work For Me.
Paying For A $5 Drink With A Hundred Makes You Look Ridiculous.
Yes It's Overpriced, But I'm Underpaid.
Reading Your Order Back Is For My Convenience, So Quit Acting Like I'm Trying To Correct You.
I Don't Actually Care If You Call It A Large Instead Of A Venti, So Please Stop Smirking At Me Like You Just Delivered A Sick Burn.
Your Stirred Caramel Macchiato Is Actually A Latte, And It Would Save You Time And Money If You'd Order It That Way.
I'm Not Intentionally Misspelling Your Name, I Just Have More Important Stuff To Think About.
Your Loyalty Card Means Nothing To Me.
If You Want Your Normal Store's Special Discount, Go To Your Normal Store.
I Know Every Single Way You Try To Get Out Of Paying Full Price, And I Will Charge You Appropriately.
This Isn't Your Home, So Clean Up After Yourself.
I Can See You Making Your Own Latte At The Condiment Bar, Cheapskate With A Coach Purse.
There Is No Secret Menu, So Stop Winking At Me.
Extra Hot, No Foam Drinks Make Me Want To Scream, And Probably Taste Worse Than If You'd Let Me Make It Properly.
Get Your Grubby Paws Out Of My Tip Jar, You Scavenger, Even If It's Just For A Penny.
Do Not Touch My Caramel Bottles Or I'll Ask For Your Food Handler's Permit.
Whatever Joke Name You Tell Me To Put On Your Cup Isn't Funny.
I'm Sorry We're Out Of Soy/Cashew/Coconut Milk But I Don't Have Any Soy Beans/Cashews/Coconuts To Milk Back Here.
I Am Not A Banker, So Please Stop Unloading All Your Coins On Me.