Have you ever been standing in the middle of your living room vacuuming up cat hair and thought, "Man, this moment in my life would be so much better if my vacuum cleaner was made of 24K gold"? Like not all of it - just the parts that are usually metal or plastic. The bag can still be regular bag material. Well, here is some good news: The thing that would make your dream come true exists! And it's for sale for only $999,999 on the Internet!
Here is a list and gallery of regular things you can buy made of actual gold, plus links to the sites where you can make these reasonable purchases. No longer will you have to put up with regular headphones that are not made from 18K gold. Treat yourself to the $14,500 earbuds so you can hear Train the way they were meant to be heard. You deserve them. And throw away your disgusting plebeian plastic straws with the red stripes. Where did you even get those? McDonald's? For only $850, you can purchase four whole straws that are made from stainless steel and overlaid with pure 24K gold. Now, that is luxury. Can you imagine drinking liquid through a straw like that? My point is: You don't have to! You can buy these items online right now.
Why buy gold things that you can get for much cheaper and that probably work better when made of more practical materials? Well, let me ask you this. Do illegal drugs work better when smoked out of 24K gold rolling papers? Maybe! If you hit a golf ball off an 18K gold tee, will you be more likely to get a hole-in-one? Who knows! Will Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II come to your dinner party if you sprinkle 24K gold leaf crumbs on your jalapeño poppers or whatever? Only one way to find out! Buy gold stuff today. It might make you a better person!
18K Gold Credit CardPhoto: The Royal Mint
18K Gold Credit Card
The Royal Mint, which makes coins for the UK and other countries, printed a gold-plated credit card for people "who value high-quality luxury items that make a statement." The card can access an exclusive, premium account called "Raris" that allows cardholders to wave exchange rates and fees, and also offers "dedicated concierge services."
24K Gold ShoelacesPhoto: flickr / CC0
$19,000 for two
24 Carat Gold Laces
"When you purchase a pair of gold laces, they will be delivered by security and laced for you anywhere in the world," Mr. Kennedy.
24K Gold StrawsPhoto: Metaweb / GNU Free Documentation License
$850 for four
24K Gold Smoothie Straws
"Each 8 1/2" stainless steel straw is over laid inside and out with pure 24K gold and has a slightly larger diameter for any type of thick smoothie beverage... Sold in sets of 4 straws with exclusive 3D floating display case," The House of Solid Gold.
24K Gold Rolling PapersPhoto: Metaweb / GNU Free Documentation License
$55 for 1
Shine 24K Gold Rolling Papers
"Luxury at your fingertips. Don't be at the party. Be the party," Shine Papers.