Everybody makes mistakes, but some gaffes are so traumatizing that you're left thinking about all of the ways that they could've gone right, years after the fact. These aren't always the lowest moments of your life, but they're definitely some of the hardest to forget and the hardest to live down. The time of cursing your stupidity and thoughtlessness will inevitably pass, and you'll eventually be able to laugh about it. Until then, you can revel in this collection of other people's blunders to make yourself feel better. Even if it doesn't, at least you're not the person who was hospitalized after eating chicken wings.
From Redditor /u/rectanglerefuge:
My kids go trick or treating. We live in a great candy neighborhood, so every year they come home with 100-200 pieces. When they’re young we tell them Santa brings every boy and girl a present on Halloween and the more candy you leave him, the better a present he’d leave in exchange. When the kids get old enough to realize Santa is a hoax, that’s when we start paying in cash. 25 cents per piece. Did this with our oldest two and it worked great. They’d give up about 3/4 of their candy and buy a toy. Our third child is 8 this year so called us out on the Santa thing. We explained the new deal.
He said “So then it’s my money and I can buy whatever I want with it? A new skateboard even? Anything?” “You bet.” “Swear?” “Yep.” He goes and brings us all his candy. Even every Kit Kat, his favorite. I was shocked, but he’d been saving up for a skateboard for a bit so must’ve decided to go all in to push his savings over the edge.
Getting all the sugar out of his room was a best case scenario, easiest $31.75 I’d spent all week. Next day I brought the candy to work. Then we went to Walmart after school and the kids ran to pick out their stuff. We met at the check out. There’s my son, who has raided the clearance aisle and found two hundred Kit Kats for $10.00.
I started to tell him to put it back, but he said “What? You said I could buy whatever I wanted! You swore! I want my candy back then.”
His candy had already been eaten by my coworkers. And I did swear, and we put a lot of emphasis on the importance of keeping your word. So... my son has almost twice as much candy as he would have from just keeping his trick or treating... and a new skateboard.
I don’t know who’s more p*ssed, my wife that this plan backfired so horrifically, or his older brothers that they never thought to do this.
From Redditor /u/-Whiskey-Icarus-:
Although this has taken place over the last few weeks, I just realized what happened today.
I have a German shepherd, Kelly, who is the sweetest dog ever. She has always been very shy about eating around my other dog, so they eat separately. It started when I would sing her a little tune while filling her bowl, and then it became a little fun thing that my husband and I both did. We would sing such hits as “Kelly and the Jets” and “(You’re the) Kelly in Disguise)” where we would change several lyrics to make the song about her.
This morning before work, I filled her bowl like I always do, and she just sat there and stared me down. Confused, I walked away to go get ready for work. I came back and she was still staring, food bowl still full. And that’s when it hit me. So I started singing “She’s got electric toots, a brown-fur suit, you know I read it in a magazine! Ohhhhhhh! K-K-K-Kelly and the Jets!”
And sure enough, the little sh*t started eating.
From Redditor /u/bkturf:
Actually, it was my wife during the boy scouts’ popcorn sales (or whatever they are selling this year.) We always buy popcorn or whatever the boy scouts are selling since my son was once a boy scout and was a great salesman and won lots of prizes for his sales. So the boy scouts in the neighborhood can always count on us buying a few boxes from whoever shows up at the door.
We have three dogs. Two of them go into a barking frenzy when anyone rings the doorbell. To combat this, we keep a water gun by the door since being squirt a couple of times shuts them right up. One day, the doorbell rings, the dogs go into their frenzy, and my wife notices that the squirt gun is not sitting by the front door but had been moved to the kitchen. So she yells “It’s boy scouts. Get the gun!” to my son in the other room.
When she opened the door the two boys were about to bolt until they see the small purple water gun in her hand.
From Redditor /u/TinyMeatGang1:
This happened a couple weeks ago.
I was at a party and saw a girl across the room. She was wearing a skirt, holding a drink in one hand and had the other hand in her pocket. I saw her skirt, thought to myself how cool that skirt is having pockets. A lot of women I know complain about not having pockets, so this is a very progressive thing.
A bit later, I got around to talking to her. I complimented her skirt, and how pockets in a skirt is great. She looked very confused, said “my skirt doesn’t have pockets, why would you think that?” I mentioned that I had seen her earlier with her hand in her pocket. Her face went bright red and revealed that her hand was amputated. What I thought was her hand in her pocket, was her stump resting against her hip.
I apologised immediately, but luckily she thought it was funny because she’d never heard that comment before. I’m still dying inside though.