So I think Tom Hanks has a mild case of probably-undiagnosed urolagnia (when a person gets sexual stimulation by the sight or even the thought of urine). He pees every chance he gets.
Maybe Tom Hanks has a fetish. Okay, listen, I know we’ve sh*t on Tom Hanks before, but this is something that’s actually very prevalent. And we’ve all been forced to watch it because I’m assuming everyone reading this is a red-blooded moviegoer who’s AT LEAST seen Forrest Gump.
But Tom Hanks, for some reason, really, really wants you to watch him pee.
Maybe it started when he was young and it was a fun gag he would do to trick teachers during recess and it got a bunch of laughs, so he kind of fell in love with it. Or maybe he had some horrible urinary disease in the past that caused him to become obsessed with the subject and now he can’t get move on. Or maybe he just has a mild case of urolagnia, and just nobody told him that it’s a thing.
It’s probably the urolagnia.
So either Tom Hanks’s urolagnia-riddled mind has caused him to make the choice of obsessively peeing in movies - like it’s etched into all of his contracts forever - or he just happens to have chosen a WIDE variety of roles that involve him peeing. If it’s not outright intentional, it’s subconscious (which is why I say “mild” case of urolagnia).
He does it in A League of Their Own…
He even uses the opportunity in Forrest Gump to tell a dead president that he has to pee. The president. And it’s not a throw-away, either; it’s a whole gag that’s set up for MINUTES in the film. So it probably isn’t just some random actor choice or a last-minute joke. This moment was in the trailer.
This is something that Tom Hanks LOOKS FOR. The number of times it happens implies something a little deeper than just a guy who likes a good “pee joke.” This is a man who, as a multi-millionaire that entertains millions of Americans every year in Oscar-winning roles and Carly Rae Jepsen music videos, CHOOSES to MAKE US watch him pee.
Every chance he gets.
So here’s a supercut Tom Hanks peeing in 14 different movies:
Tom Hanks would love to thank you for indulging in his secret shame.