Entertainment
192 voters

Tom Haverford Quotes

Updated June 14, 2019 807 votes 192 voters 69.2k views20 items

The best Tom Haverford quotes ever uttered on NBC's 'Parks and Recreation' are genuinely hilarious. Tom (Aziz Ansari) is definitely heavy on the sarcasm, and he's somewhat delusional. He has a lot of big ideas, but he rarely puts them into action (the DJ Roomba being a notable exception). He's a wanna-be entrepreneur who has no problem at all with confidence. No, Tom Haverford has real swagger, and he's not afraid to show it. This list includes many of Tom Haverford's funniest quotes from 'Parks and Recreation,' so be sure to vote for your favorites (and add any quotes you love that are missing).

Tom Haverford might have a lot of big plans, but he sure isn't into his job at the parks department. Actually, he's a total slacker, spending his time at work playing games and acting like a real government employee. Tom has a strange language, too. His explanation of how he names foods is one of the best quotes ever on 'Parks and Recreation.' Chicky-chicky-parm-parm, anyone?

There's no doubt that Tom Haverford is one of the most hilarious characters on 'Parks and Recreation,' second only (perhaps) to the brilliant Ron Swanson, whose quotes are some of the best ever uttered on television.

Enjoy this list of the funniest Tom Haverford quotes on 'Parks and Recreation,' and remember to always turn your swag on and treat yo' self once in a while.

So what are the best Tom Haverford quotes? It's up to you to decide.
Photo:
...more
  • 5

    Tom Haverford's Big Ideas

    Video: YouTube

    Make-A-Baby Tuxedo clothing line. A department store with a guest list. White fur earmuffs for men. Contact lenses that display text messages. Invent a phone that smells good. Own a nightclub, call it 'Eclipse,' that’s only open for one hour two times a year. Cover charge? Five thousand dollars. I could keep going...
    38
    4
    Should this be higher or lower?
  • 6

    Keys

    Video: YouTube

    This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
    37
    7
    Should this be higher or lower?
  • 7

    DJ Roomba

    Video: YouTube

    I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba — little guy cruises around and plays music. What’s hot, DJ Roomba? DJ Roomba, tearin' it uppppppppp!
    40
    11
    Should this be higher or lower?
  • 8

    Riding Coattails


    At the risk bragging, one of the things I’m best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.
    31
    10
    Should this be higher or lower?